You don't wake up to "Good Morning, Beautiful" texts or flowers on your door step. You aren't told you are pretty every day or even every week. You aren't desired or wanted in the way that you should be. You spend your days wondering why you aren't good enough, or what is wrong with you. I am here to tell you one thing:
I have been there, and you need leave that life behind.
You are beautiful, caring, and loving. You deserve to wake up every morning feeling loved, not wondering if he is going to text you back today or blow you off. You are putting forth way too much effort for someone who doesn't put any in at all, and that's not how relationships work. No matter who this person is and what they have done for you in the past, they became unworthy when they starting treating you like nothing.
It's like you're swimming in the ocean during a storm, fighting for your life. They are standing right there with a life raft in hand, but don't throw it to you. Instead, they just stand by and do nothing, dangling it just out of reach. They could try and save you, but they don't. And they won't, and deep down you know that. But once you stop fighting the impossible, the storm will calm, and I promise you will save yourself, or someone else will come along and pull you in to safety. No one should be fighting this war alone.
You want to move on, but you feel like you can't. You love this person more than you love yourself, and the thought of losing them crushes you. The painful truth, however, is that you have already lost them; you're just clinging on to the person they used to be. They say they are sorry and that they care about you, but the truth is that if they really did, they wouldn't still be here, selfishly letting you do anything and everything to please them while they do nothing in return. They do not care, and as hard as that is to think about, it's true.
First, you have to accept it. Accept they are not the person you fell in love with, and they never will be again. You have grown so much and you know what you want in a partner, and they are not that person, even if they used to be. You deserve to never doubt yourself and be with someone who doesn't have to be convinced that you are worth everything.
Letting go won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Some day the right guy is going to walk into your life and you will forget about him. Laughing will come easy again, and smiling will be a part of your normal routine. You won't spend days wondering what you could be doing differently and thinking of ways to please him, he will love you just the way you are. It may take time, and it may be difficult along the way, but he will walk in exactly when you need him.
You can do this. You are strong and beautiful and courageous. Stop letting someone so irrelevant ruin your life. Get up, smile, and go out and enjoy your life.
It's too short to let a single person ruin it.
