To the girl that used to be my best friend,
I'd be lying if I haven't written and deleted this article multiple times. Before now, I never really knew what to say. It was all kind of word vomit, spitting out all the emotions I could think of, and a shitty effort to string them all together into a coherent piece of writing. But the eighth time's the charm, right?
So, if there's a slight chance you are reading this: Hi. I hope before I continue any further, that if you are reading this, you know it's you. I've lost many friends throughout my life, but I hope you know that losing you was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to endure.
You were my best friend –– through everything and anything. Through me moving twice. Through all the trips to Hershey. Through all the trips to the mall. Through all the little spats that didn't mean a thing at the end of the day because we had each other.
We talked about how we were going to be friends forever. How when we got older you were going to check in and make sure I wasn't too hard on my kids. We talked about all the things that we were going to do together when we were finally older. Driving around together, going through high school together, embarking on all these different adventures, together.
And somewhere along the way, we lost each other. I can't pinpoint one moment that engendered the collapse of it. I think us growing apart was a gradual thing. And it was something I didn't see coming until it finally fell apart. Whether it was us finding new people, new interests, something I did, something you did or the things we did to each other, I don't know. To this day, I honestly don't know what happened. And I think for me that the most disconcerting part of it all. How you can lose someone and not really know why.
So I guess the real reason I'm writing this is: I miss you. I really do.
And I know it's crazy. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I saw you now. Would it be a simple hi then goodbye? Would we have that awkward five-minute, small talk conversation? I know we can't have what we used to, and I've accepted that. But it's been difficult. I'll see your pictures pop up on my Facebook feed, and I'll smile to myself. I'm happy for you. I am. While things may be different for us, I am over the moon that you're finding the happiness you deserve, even if it's not with me.
And while we've grown apart, I don't want you to think that I ever hated you. I could never hate you. You were my best friend for a good part in my life. And while that's not the case anymore, I still care about you. And the off chance that you'd come to me for help or just to even talk, you know I'd be there for you.
And I guess the question that still haunts me is do you feel the same? I know I'm probably not going to get an answer. That's okay. I just hope that somewhere deep in your heart, you remember me as someone who was your best friend. Not someone you feel awkward around when you see them in public. Not someone you had a falling out with. Not anyone other than the girl you gave crazy makeovers to the girl you took ten billion pictures on PhotoBooth with, the girl you made puffy paint t-shirts with for a school trip, the girl who was your best friend.
Thank you for showing me some of the best times of my life. It was one helluva ride and I wouldn't change it for the world.
From,
The girl that used to be your best friend
