One of the happiness moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you cannot change.
I'm sitting in a coffee shop struggle busing to find the words for my next article. Then, like always, God sheds some light on my wondering mind and a quote comes forward.
"Fill your paper with the breathing of your heart and let it heal you." -anonymous
Writing has always been my safe haven, and I knew with some time I would get the courage to share a significant heartbreak. I'm assuming God knew I just needed a little encouragement. Like many woman I know, learning to let go is far from easy.
It has taken some strength to gather these words, but sometimes we write the things we can't say. Sometimes our stories aren't far from those around us. Hopefully if you're reading this it awakens your heart to know, it is okay to feel deeply for someone and struggle in learning to walk away.
"Trust in the lord with all you heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make straight your paths" ~Proverbs 3:5-6
My young fairy tale...
Our story wasn't one of a kind or anything Hollywood worthy, but to me, it was a story I wanted to believe in. Naturally when it came to a screeching halt, I was left to not only pick up the pieces, but find myself again.
Somewhere between being young and in love to growing up, we lost each-other. Much to our disappointment we still had a lot of growing up to do. Quickly we began to realize it wasn't enough to just be young and in love.
However we held on for dear life, trying our hardest to rationalize what went wrong or how to fall back into the people we use to be. Not realizing it was never our job to cipher such a thing. Sometimes the beauty is in the attempt. God had a different plan for us both, we were just having a hard time finding the good in goodbye- which took many a months to accept.
I know this is definitely easier said than done, trust me. Undoubting that God placed this mountain in front of us for a reason was difficult to welcome.
It takes time, don't fight it.
With time I have grown to appreciate the heartbreak. I begged God more times than I can count to heal me, stop the hurting. At the time I had little to no idea what God was doing, considering I was convinced this man was the one.
I was so bitter and angry that my favorite love story came to end, to the point where I was missing all that God was trying to teach me. Once I finally let go, it opened up a pathway for God to step in.
I had some dear friends reach out and ask me how I knew it was time to let go, quite honestly I never knew. With time-lots of it. God placed in my heart a different perspective of the heartache we endured. I grew in more ways than I could have ever imagined...maybe that was the point all along. My bitter heart grew to love this man from a distance and become so thankful for the memories we shared.
Fall in love again.
Your first love doesn't always mean it's the last one. People are placed in our lives for countless of reasons. For quite some time I fought God and myself on this. I asked a million questions and genuinely thought I could fix or change what happened. Acceptance was not in my vocabulary during this season.
Piece by piece I eventually realized we were never meant to run the whole race. God placed us together to teach us something about ourselves and grace us with a love along the way.
God wasn't finished with me, and he knew I needed a man like this to show me parts of myself I didn't even know I possessed. However it was only the beginning, and there was so much more I had yet to learn.
In the end of all the late nights, mascara ruined pillows, millions of texts to friends, and the man who's heart I broke shortly after...I found healing. Not only did I find my healing but I learned my fairy tale and contentment was never going to come from a man.
Perhaps God just wants us to love him more, above the fairy tale we hold so tightly. So that one day, if we let go, he can show us we were meant for so much more than we could ever dreamed possible.
So here's to the girl who has spent too much time fighting the end. I promise you, if you let him, God will show you it's okay to let go. Your story was beautiful but there's much more to come.
"Even through a storm
A flower can bloom
You just need a little push
Spring is coming soon"