First of all, thank you for all that you taught me. Through the good and the bad, you were always there, and I can't express my gratitude enough. There's nobody else I would rather have went through my awkward phase with, grow up with, and learn with.
When it comes to this situation, it's almost impossible for me to put my thoughts into words. You, of course, would know how big of a deal that is considering I always have something to say-- it's a blessing and a curse. I won't lie, initially there was anger and frustration; I didn't understand why the things that happened had to happen to me.
When it rained, it poured. If it wasn't one thing, it was another.
After the initial shock hit me, I shifted into sadness about the circumstance. I was hurt in a way that I had never been hurt before, and that was including the heartbreak I experienced after ending a serious relationship. Losing a friendship has hurt more than losing any romantic relationship I've been in. I thought I felt empty after I lost a boy who treated me poorly and made me feel subpar, but I didn't experience true grief until I lost someone who loved me and my flaws regardless. Someone who held me accountable, encouraged me, and told me when I was plain out being ridiculous. Sure, we argued, but what friends don't? Admittedly, I made it harder to make up and move past things because I'm stubborn and am good at holding a grudge.
Sorry for that, by the way.
When you lose a friend, you lose the person who is there for you when that relationship ends. You lose the person who you can vent to about your family because they know all about them and understand why they feel that way. You lose the person you can always count on for random drives, fast food that neither of you need, and a confidant who understands your pain because they were there when you first experienced it. I lost so much more than a friend-- I lost a personal counselor, a secret-keeper, and someone who probably knew me better than I knew myself.
When I realized this friendship was over, I was overwhelmed by the emotions I felt. Again, there was anger, confusion, and sadness, but after a few weeks of adjustment and thought, I came to the conclusion that something good did come from this after all. I learned the value of true friendship and how I should and shouldn't let people treat me; I now know what to look for in a friend. I now know to hold on tight, because true friendships are hard to find. If there's any piece of advice I can give to people now, it's that you should find these friends that will go above and beyond for you and reciprocate the qualities they found so wonderful in their friend.
I'm sorry for all of the times I got mad at stupid things and gave you the silent treatment for virtually no reason, and I'm sorry that I wasn't as supportive of you as you were of me.
Thank you for being there when nobody else was, and thanks for putting up with everything I threw at you for all those years (who's counting, anyway?). Thanks for always being the person I could call at 4 AM who I knew would answer and listen to me complain, and for never ruining the next episode of the shows we watched together.
Our friendship may not be what it once was, but you'll always be my person.
