First thing’s first, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. You were one of the people I chose to keep in my inner circle. You knew my secrets, my regrets and you didn’t judge me on the mistakes I made, and for that I thank you.

I want to thank you for having been there for me through the lowest points in my life. You saw me when I wanted to give up, and you helped me back up onto my feet when I was pushed down one too many times. You were there when I let a stupid boy get to me and ruin my self-esteem. You were there when I stressed so much over my weight and thought I would never be pretty if I wasn’t a size 2. You were there when I felt stuck in between a war I wasn’t supposed to be in. You were there with me through a lot of my life. We may not be friends anymore, but I’ll never forget how much you did for me. So, thank you.

I don’t know how things ended, and I’m not sure why. I’m not sure how our tight bond that I thought we would have forever unraveled so quickly. I don’t understand how one day we woke up and figured our friendship wasn’t worth trying to save. Please keep in mind, I said we. It takes two to tango, and this friendship failing was something we both didn’t see coming and knew we couldn’t recover.

I fought. I fought hard to not lose you. I’m one of those people where I care about what people think of me, regardless of how I may come off to the rest of the world, and your opinion of me mattered. Actually, it still does matter. It matters to me if you think I’m the worst human being you ever met, because for a time, you were one of the best people I had around. I don’t like to leave things in a bad place, and that’s sadly where we left off. We let our friendship end over something so stupid. I would be lying if I said I don’t break down about it here and there, because I wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on anybody. I don’t care what you say, these friendship breakups destroyed me more than losing my first love.

I don’t know what went wrong, and I don’t know if I ever will. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from losing you, because you were one of the most important people in my life. Sometimes, I hope you’ll give me a call and say, “I miss you,” and we would be okay again. I’ve learned to accept that sometimes that isn’t the case. The most interaction we’ll ever have is the half smile we give each other when we cross paths.

I wonder if you miss me, because I sure as hell miss you. I miss the relationship we once had, but I know things happen for a reason. If anything, you made me more cautious when it comes to the relationships I have remaining with those I still have in my life. You make me much more appreciative of the time I have with the people I still have around, and you make me want to be sure I will never be what you think I am.

I wish the best for you, I really do. I hope you’re doing what you love. I hope your grades are good. I hope you're succeeding in your field. I hope you meet your Prince Charming. Most of all, I wish you nothing but happiness in life. And I’m sorry I can no longer be a part of it. But let’s take this as a learning lesson, because I know I did. It may have ended badly, but I’ll never forget the impact you had on my life. I’m sorry it had to end like this. Just know that I’ll be rooting for you— always.