I’ll start by saying this -- if the title made you stop and think for a second, you’re probably friends with one of these people. If it doesn’t, you probably are one of these people -- but don’t worry, it’s not too late to change.
Take a second to think about all of your friends. If you have at least one friend that has been in your life for five years or longer, then you’re probably a good friend because someone (or maybe a group of people) have chosen to stick around. If your friends change every year, or even every two or three years, maybe you should take a second to think about why. Could you possibly be a friend who isn’t actually a friend?
Let’s break it down to see what kind of friend you actually are.
1. Plans
If you make plans to simply to further your own agenda, you might be a shitty friend. How to tell if you’re only it for yourself is to answer these couple questions: Do I just want to go somewhere so a ton of people can see me? Do I make sure that I’m with people that will post a hot picture of me? Do I tell everyone I’m out with to make sure to get me on their MyStory? If your answer was yes to all (or even two) of these questions, then chances are, your friends are probably going to change again soon in the upcoming future. If your answers are no, then you’re probably making plans to go out and actually enjoy your company and have a good time with friends.
2. Personal Life
Personal life is a difficult scale to base this on because everyone is going through his or her own struggles, and not everyone is willing to share what they are going through. Being a good friend doesn’t require you to know every detail of someone else’s life, it simply means understanding there is some sort of struggle and making it known that you are there to help them through it. While it is always important to make yourself a priority, your friends should be up near the top of that list too. A good friend will continuously check in to see how a friend is doing; and even if they don’t want to talk about it, they will remember that you care and are there to talk. A bad friend will dwell on their own struggles day in and out, and, if your friends have stopped asking you what’s going on or how you’re doing, it might be because they know you’re going to tell them anyway because you have a habit of making everything about you. (DON’T BE LIKE THIS.)
3. Friend Group
If you have a group of friends that you enjoy doing things with, it really doesn’t matter who knew whom first. The only thing that should matter is that you have a good time when you are all together. If you understand this simple fact, congratulations, you are a good friend. If you constantly feel the need to remind people that others are only hanging out with them because of you, then you clearly don’t understand the simple premise of friendship, that that doesn’t matter. Relationships are also difficult to throw into the mix because unfortunately, if there happens to be a breakup, things could possibly get awkward with your group of friends. The difference between someone who is a friend and someone that is not, is that a friend will choose not to alter the way things are, but rather deal with the fact that you all have the same friends; while someone who really isn’t a friend will start trying to make everyone choose sides (and no one wants to do that).
So, to the “friend” I had that fit all the characteristics of what a friend shouldn’t be, thank you because our friendship taught me a lot of valuable lessons. Thank you for showing me how important it is to remind friends that I care about them and that I am there for them. Thank you for showing me that going out isn’t a production, but a time to spend with some of my favorite people (whether it goes on social media or not). Thank you for trying to make me pick sides and put a strain on relationships I had with other people, because I’ve realized that I will not hang out with anyone else who will try and put me in a situation that forces me to lose friends. Thank you for all of it, because thanks to you, each day I remind myself to make sure all the important people in my life truly realize how important they actually are.
