Dear You,
We were such good friends for a while. We hung out a lot, laughed together in all of our classes, and overall had a really good time. Being one of my only friends at the time, I believed that you would do anything to help me.
I trusted you.
So when we were younger and you told me that I wasn't pretty and that I would never have a boyfriend, I believed you. I truly thought you were just trying to be a good friend and prepare me for the things that I would never have. Sure, back then I wasn't looking for a forever, but a boyfriend would have been nice, a compliment from anyone would have been nice at that time in my life. However, thanks to you, I was able to mentally prepare myself for a lack of all of that in my life.
You really screwed me up, man. I truly believe that you are the reason for a lot of my insecurities. And I think that it's time for me to tell you,
You were wrong.
It has been almost seven years since those words came out of your mouth, and through that time I have learned just how wrong you were.
I am surrounded by friends who love me, but because of you, I have a hard time seeing them sometimes. They constantly help to build my confidence and make me feel good about myself because, believe it or not, that is what a good friend does. It is in my hardest times that those friends step up. It was in my hardest times that you disappeared.
I have a man in my life who loves me. Crazy, right?! The girl who would never have a boyfriend has someone who actually cares about her. He tells me daily how amazing I am and truly makes me feel on top of the world. He tells me that I am beautiful and makes sure that I believe it.
Sometimes I will even get complimented by strangers telling me that I look good or that I have a pretty smile or that my personality is captivating. It is crazy having people notice me when I spent so long trying to hide my ugliness from society.
My parents have spent years trying to convince me that I am beautiful. Telling me that I am perfect as myself and that you were just jealous of me because you knew that I was a good person, inside and out. And they said one day, I was going to be better than you.
I am not the type of person, nor am I in a position to state that I AM better than you. However, I do believe that I am better than I used to be. My confidence is still lacking in some areas and I often find myself questioning compliments or friendliness. I have you to blame for that, but I can now look in the mirror and see someone beautiful. I can smile at the reflection staring back at me knowing that she is stronger, more determined, and more capable than the girl who believed the things you said.
I just wish that anyone else in this world, who tries telling their friends that they do not have what it takes, that they will not make it, or that they are not beautiful, realizes how much simple words can affect the rest of someone's life.
As a friend, your goal should have been to lift me up, make me feel confident, and push me to be the best ME that I could have been. Instead, you chose to tear me down and make me feel like shit. And for that, I can tell you that you were never my friend. You were envious. Catty. And jealous.
Sincerely,
The Beautiful Girl I've Always Been
