Am I still breathing? Is the world still turning? Does anything else even exist?

He walked away. Out of the door. Out of my life. I thought he would never leave. But he did.

You didn’t.

When I was so sad I didn’t know what to do besides stand there in shock, you were there. You went and sat with me in my mom’s car while I cried. You held me while I sobbed saying “He didn’t deserve you anyway.” When my tears had run dry, you spent the next 20 minutes trying to make me laugh.

And the next day when I saw him in the hallway, you were there. When the hopeful light left my eyes as he looked at me in disgust, you made sure that I was okay. When people began talking about it, when conversations melted to looks of pity when I walked by, you were there trying to make sure that I didn’t notice. And when I got mad about it, you listened to me rant about the same thing over and over. When I would turn to share an inside joke with someone who wasn’t there, you came up with a joke of your own to fill the silence. You made sure that I couldn’t focus on missing him, even when I missed him so much it felt like the world would end.

You said he didn’t deserve me. But I didn’t deserve you.

We were friends before but not in a million years would I have thought that you would be the one to help me. It’s not like you had to. No one forced you. No one made you. You did it anyway. In a time when I was finding out who was really on my side, you were the first one there next to me. You didn’t have to do that.

Thank you.

Thank you for being my one safe place. Thank you for being the one to wipe away my tears. Thank you for being the person who I could turn to with anything. I may have lost him but I gained you.

I honestly would not be the person I am today without what you did. I would still be a shy, timid girl who stood on the outside, hugging the wall and dreading being noticed. Now I am living it up in the center. From you I learned to be outgoing. I learned to not care about the negative things anyone else had to say. I learned that life is better when you live it. You helped me turn into the self-confident person I am today.

You didn’t have to do that either. But you did.

Now that I am in college, we barely ever talk. I see you post about all the amazing things that you’re doing and I feel a pang of sadness because I am not there with you. And when I am experiencing all these great and new things, I sometimes think about what you would say about this person or that crazy hat that that guy was wearing.

While we’re both out living our lives apart, I want you to know that I am always rooting for you. If you ever need anyone, a shoulder to cry on, a friend to get you through, come find me. I’ll be there. I learned from the best.