To The Ex That Changed My Life
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Relationships

To The Ex That Changed My Life

We all have that one ex that has forever changed the way we look at life and relationships.

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To The Ex That Changed My Life
Brianna Geiger

You were my best friend. I knew I could always count on you. You always had my back. We were always together. Every second I was away from you, I was missing you. You filled this void inside of me that no one before you had been able to do.

We were goofy together. We were always laughing and smiling. We weren't afraid to tell each other exactly how we felt, whether it was good or bad. We were completely comfortable together. I don't think either one of us had let down our walls like that before. We seemed to fit perfectly. It seemed effortless.

I still remember the moment I first saw you. You seemed to glow more than anyone else I had ever met before.

I still remember the first time we talked. How I had to mask my excitement.

I still remember becoming good friends and how our little group became really close.

I still remember those days where nothing seemed to be going my way, but when you would walk up to me, all my problems disappeared.

I still remember exactly where I was when you told me how you felt about me. How you had liked me for a long time, but didn't know how to tell me.

I still remember the weight that came off of my shoulders when I told you how I felt about you.

I still remember our first kiss, and the blue shirt with that white pearly necklace.

I still remember how the world seemed to be changing around us over the months and years, but we were still the same teenagers hopelessly in love.

I still remember planning our future together and how excited we were for it.

I still remember the way you would look at me. How anyone could obviously tell that you loved me.

I still remember the way it felt to hold you in my arms, and how I never wanted to let you go.

I still remember the way my heart skipped a beat when you would look up at me in the bleachers from the field and smile at me. Or roll your eyes about a teammate.

I still remember taking pictures at my graduation.

I still remember taking pictures at your graduation.

I still remember all the good you brought into my life.

But I also still remember the bad.

I still remember how, at times, we both struggled to trust one another.

I still remember the suffocating insecurity.

I still remember the jealous rage, and how "protective" turned into controlling.

I still remember how the look in your eyes changed.

I still remember how we both shut out our friends.

I still remember how "I love you" turned into "love you." I think we all know that there's a difference.

I still remember how you ceased to even look at me for more than a few seconds.

I still remember the night you cried in my arms at the end of our relationship. We both knew that it wasn't meant to be.

I still remember watching you watch someone else.

I still remember the way it felt to lose you, slowly.

I still remember how waking up every morning went from “good morning babe,” to “morning,” to “hey,” to simply nothing at all.

I still remember trying to hold onto you for longer than I should have.

I still remember how much my heart hurt when I saw you were with someone else.

I still remember the weeks rolling by, without any contact between us whatsoever, and how strange that felt after being such a big part of each other’s lives for so long.

People have told me that I am better off without you. That I shouldn't have ever been with you. That I deserved better. To consider that I shouldn't have ever been with you is ludicrous. Just because you aren't meant to be with someone forever doesn't mean that you aren't supposed to be with them for a certain amount of time. You learn so much in every relationship. I learned so much. I grew so much. Because of that, I am a better person now.

You taught me how to love someone unconditionally, but you also taught me how to not love someone. You taught me how to genuinely care. You taught me how to see the beauty in the world when life was trying to pull you down. You taught me how to love myself. You taught me how to be myself. You taught me that letting down your walls for someone isn't being weak, it’s being strong. You taught me how to be a better person. You made me see that I am strong. You made me see the good in myself, and it was easier to do so when you always brought out the good in me.

Our relationship taught me so many things that I only learned way after it ended. It taught me not to be too jealous, too protective, too clingy, too needy, etc. It taught me how to balance and handle situations and feelings in a relationship. It taught me to not worry about every little thing and just try to relax. It taught me all the things I do and don't like in a person. It taught me so much not only about relationships, but about myself as an individual as well. I learned all these things after you left. After I spent sleepless nights replaying our ending, trying to figure out where I went wrong – what I did for you to leave. Eventually, after a few months, I realized that you leaving was the best thing for me. We outgrew each other. We weren’t meant to be. And that’s okay. Our love was meant to be temporary. You were just a couple chapters in my life, but they were very important chapters. I have learned how to be and how to not be in a relationship. I now know what I deserve. Our relationship was a stepping stone, leading me to something better.

I believe that I am better without you, but I also believe that I am better because of you.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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