Hi beautiful,

I'm not here to tell you to cheer up or that you need to get over it. You're in pain and I wanted to first acknowledge that. I, too, am in pain. Because of that, there are some things I wanted to share with you, some things that haven’t necessarily lessened my pain, but comforted during this time and validated me. No one should ever have to feel alone, and I promise you, you're not.

Every situation is different, so I can’t say I 100 percent know how you’re feeling. I do know this: This man, whom you’re supposed to look up to, gave you no reason to look up to him. Especially on days like Father's day, it seems like everyone around you is cherishing their "Number one daddy," spoiling him with gifts, love, and time. It seems like every other father is treating his little girl like a princess, dedicating his life to protect, provide, and love this precious gift of a daughter. Most people look at those pictures and smile - what a beautiful sight seeing this father so in love with his child.

Sure, you go along with the rest of the crowd and smile too, because it's too complicated to share your real feelings. People don’t get it. But inside, you’re dying. Your heart is shattering into even more pieces. You're numb at first, then suddenly you find yourself sinking into a pile of quicksand. Before you know it, you can’t even see the surface. You’re pulled down by this tremendous amount of weight; like an elephant is being carried on your back. You want to scream, but you're buried so deep; you continue to suffocate until all you see is completely black. That is what envy, rejection, and disappointment feel like. That is how much those emotions kill you.

I get it. I understand that for whatever reason, you feel unloved by the one who is supposed to love you the most - by the one whose genes gave you personality and life. He wasn't there for you in the ways he should’ve been. He wasn’t there to protect you. He wasn't there to encourage you or offer emotional support. He said he loves you, but why should you believe him? Is that what love is? Is love manipulation? Is love supposed to be this confusing? Because one second he tells you how much he loves his little girl and the next minute he continues to neglect, abuse, and scar. Actions speak louder than words. Yeah, you've had some fun with him, but those times don’t mean anything. He never kissed you goodnight and tucked you into bed. He wasn't at your birthday parties or school graduations. It's like he didn’t care enough to be there. He was too busy wrapping his head around other things to satisfy his own insecurities, trying to find happiness in other things - things nowhere near as satisfying as his beautiful daughter. Maybe he chose alcohol or drugs or addictions over you. Whatever it may be, here you are, left scarred and scared, never able to trust any man because the man who was supposed to be your dad gave you no reason to trust him.

Why is that? I don’t know. Why is it that the beautiful, talented, priceless, amazing girl like you didn't get the love she needed from her dad? I don’t know. I don't know why dads abuse their children. I don’t know why dads choose to give up their children. I don't know why dads treat their children in ways they shouldn’t be treated. And I am so sorry if you fall into that category. I understand why you don’t trust anyone, why you're afraid to hope, and why you’re afraid to fall in love. Honey, it’s OKAY to feel that way. It's okay to be scared. It’s okay to get angry over anything that relates to the pain you're feeling. The rejection and disappointment you're feeling is valid. You were stabbed in the heart by the one you desperately wanted to love you - the one who was SUPPOSED to love you. You reached out so many times, trying to mend the relationship, crying “DADDY, PLEASE, why don't you want me? Why don't you care?” But he was not receptive. He slammed the door in your face. Or maybe you never reached out because you’ve never met him, but wish you could, or maybe you’ve met him and wish you never did. Either way, that hurts. A lot. You don’t have to pretend that that's not painful.

When you were a child, the decisions regarding the relationship with your daddy were made by adults. Now that you are an adult - now that you understand - YOU make those decisions. You decide how you want the relationship to be. You deserve that. I'm sure you felt like your childhood was taken away from you. I’m sure you felt controlled and manipulated and believed your bad treatments were your fault. Now, it is time to take back your power. Take a stand. You control this relationship. If he's not receptive of that, then he doesn’t deserve you. It’ll hurt, yes. But so do the toxins that he poisons you with. Whether or not you decide to keep a relationship with your dad, or even give him the title of “dad,” it is okay. If you choose to have a relationship with him and he doesn’t want one with you, as much as it hurts, you do NOT deserve him. You chose to seek him when you have every reason to walk away, and yet he’s not paying any attention to that? Well, that is HIS loss. Because every guy deserves to have a loving, forgiving, accepting, and kind daughter like you.

I'm sure just like me, you’ve searched for things to fill the void. Maybe you've turned to drugs or sex or alcohol... Something else that will numb the pain. You're so quick to let an older male into your life because you desperately crave a father figure. You need a male you can look up to; someone that will always be there for you and treat you like a daughter; someone who can replace your biological dad. Here's the thing: Those relationships are great. I’m glad you’ve found someone who you feel you can count on. But if you haven't figured it out yet, the truth is, no matter how close you grow to be with those earthly father figures, they too at some point, will fail you. And that will just add on to the rejection, create more holes, deepen your insecurities, and cause you more pain. My friends, this is why we can not put our hope in people. No matter how many father figures we think we have, they won’t take away the pain. No human being will ever satisfy that void in your heart. No “pretend dad” can undo what your real dad did. Scars are scars, after all. And it’s not like you’ll forget about your dad because every day when you look into the mirror, you’ll see his smile - you’ll see him in you.

Your earthly father has failed you, yes. And although it's certainly okay to have father figures in your life, yes, they will fail you too. Your Heavenly Father, however, has not, and will not EVER fail you. You are a child of God. The God who makes the birds sing, put the stars in the sky, created the oceans - that same God calls you His own. He loves you. If you put your identity in the earthly father that has failed you, all you will ever feel is a failure of a child. But, if you put your identity in your Heavenly Father, you will NEVER be disappointed. Rely on Him. He is your DADDY. He came to be a Father to the orphans. He loves you more than any earthly father ever could, whether biological or chosen. The thing about God is that once you grab His hand, He’ll never let go. He’ll be with you when you’re crossing the roads of the darkest valleys. He’ll be with you at every event, show, and experience. He’ll kiss you goodnight. He’ll be there to dry your eyes. You can hug Him when you’re sad. You can tell Him how you feel. Give Him your hurts - let HIM fill the void. Because, my darling, nothing and no one else will ever take away that pain except for God. Look to Him for your identity. Rely on Him to show you what love is. He won’t disappoint you. I promise you, He won't reject you. I know, it’s hard to believe and that goes against your vow of trusting anyone. But God is not like the other dads, or moms even! He is Your creator. He will NOT fail you. He will always love you, no matter what you do or say. Your earthly father may not have chosen you, but God did. He chose you from day one.

Please don't let the failures of people get in the way of your happiness. Please don't let the lack of love hold you back from experiencing the real thing. Please don’t use others to "fix" the pain. You can’t take back what you’ve lost, but you can gain something more. You deserve joy. You deserve to know what it feels like to have a father. You deserve to be loved by a father. And you are. On this day, as you grieve over your loss and are in desperate need of comfort, remember that through this pain, You are His. Nothing can snatch you from Your father's arms because He chose you.