to all the boys I've loved before
Friendships

To All The Boys I've Loved Before

The things I never said, the letters I never wrote

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To all the boys I've loved before,

I can't believe I'm writing a letter to all three of you at once, but here we are. At one point in time, each one of you was everything to me. Every word you said, every laugh that left your lips, was music to my ears, and I never wanted the soundtrack to end. You could do no wrong, and I knew that no matter how hard I tried to get rid of you, each one of you now held a permanent place in my heart.


To the first,

When we met, the only kind of love we knew was that of playground crushes and holding hands for too long. It wasn't until we grew out of our freeze tag tournaments, and into hours of staying up talking way too late that I knew. You were everything I could have ever asked for in a first love. You were real with me in a way that no one ever had been before, and you showed me that it was okay to be vulnerable and to let people in. You gave me a safe place, and for a long time, you were my only one.

You knew exactly what I needed, and you pushed me to be the person you always knew that I could be. In a lot of ways, at the time I think you knew me better than I even did. You showed me the ropes, and protected me with your whole being, and for that I will never stop thanking you. You were everything to me before I knew anything about the world around me, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Thank you for loving me even when I made it hard on you, and for being the first boy to hold my heart.


To the second,

You were my best friend. You knew everything about me, and you understood me in a way that other people couldn't. I knew that I could be completely myself with you, and that nothing I could do could scare you away. Everything with you felt safe, and I swore, in the moment I thought we would be together forever. We grew into one another so quickly that you felt like a habit, one that I never wanted to break.

Our love was complicated though. We hurt one another in ways that we could never take back, but in a lot of ways, this shaped us into the people we were meant to be. You gave me so many years of laughter and love, and I cannot begin to tell you all the ways that you have helped me to grow. I loved you more than I loved myself, but you helped me see that I'm worth more than that.

You gave me a love that changed my life, and I couldn't be more grateful.


To the third,

You came out of nowhere. One minute you were a total stranger to me, and the next I was trying my hardest to learn everything about you. It scared me how quickly I started to like you, but the more I got to know you, the more I did. There wasn't a whole lot not to like. You made me laugh in a way that I hadn't in a long time, and you reminded me that life is too short not to embrace every moment of it. Everything with you was simple, and you made me feel like I was on top of the world.

You were there for me through one of the toughest transitions of my life, and I appreciate everything you did for me, even if you may not have known exactly what I needed. You helped me to grow, and to see who I needed to be for myself, not for anyone else. You have been patient with me along this bumpy ride, and I'm so glad that we have maintained a friendship through everything we went through.

Thank you for reminding me that I'm worth someone who is good for me. You deserve the absolute best, and I can't wait to watch you find it.


To the last,

I haven't met you yet, but damn am I excited to. I am so ready to love you for the rest of my life, and to "do life" with you. Here's to all the memories we have yet to make, and to a love that is selfless, full of light, and strives to make each one of us into the best version of ourselves.

I am so excited to take on forever with you by my side.


So, to all the boys who shaped me: thank you. You have given me the tools to turn into the woman that I am today, and to be better in my future relationships. You all played a crucial part in my ongoing journey to figuring this whole life thing out, and for that, I will never be able to repay you.

Thank you for being a part of my life, loves. I wish you the best with all my heart.

XOXO,

the girl you helped me to be

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