To the boy who made me feel again,
The boy who made my heart beat again. The boy that reminded me butterflies in your tummy are still possible when you grow up. The boy who made me realize hope is real, falling for someone is real, and that this life is meant for vulnerability and taking chances. To the boy who taught me to live in the moment. To not let fear hold me back from putting myself out there. The boy who showed me that life is worth taking a leap of blind faith. To the boy that has changed my whole world.
Numb. I had been numb for so long. No joy, no happiness, no passion for life, just a cold empty, all-consuming numbness. I had forgotten what it was like to feel whole, to feel alive. I had lost the hope and belief that I would ever feel truly alive again. The best way I can describe myself was a 'dead girl walking.' My heart was beating, but my soul was empty. My heart was empty. Everything was empty, and dark, and hopeless.
Do you believe everything happens for a reason? I was not sure I believed that. It seemed a little too cliche, a little too fairytale like, a little too impossible. And then something beautiful happened. And that is when I met You. And now I know without a doubt, that everything happens for a reason. Everyone happens for a reason. There is no doubt in my mind, that people come into our lives at the perfect time, for a very specific reason, whether we understand that reason or not.
When you have felt nothingness for so long; when nothingness has become your home, your comfort zone. When emptiness has become your auto-pilot, it is no shock that even the slightest jolt of a feeling would feel so raw, so scary, and so real.
And oh God, it did.
It hit all at once; out of nowhere, when I least expected it. It seems like all the best things do. When you hugged me for that first time, a surge of something I have never felt before rushed throughout my body. What was that? That was not numbness. That was feeling. I was feeling again. I tried to ignore it. Play it cool. Tell myself it was nothing. A fluke, all in my head. But nothing, nothing was the farthest thing from what it was. The farthest thing from the truth. That surge was just the beginning. The beginning of something oh so beautiful that was about to happen. Little did I know what was in store for me.
If just a single touch from you could send a million feelings through my heart, imagine what knowing your heart would do to me. I still cannot wrap my mind around it. I cannot find words that explain to the depths that you make me feel. I guess it is just one of those things that are not meant for words. It is too special. It is meant to be felt. Deeply, truly, and completely felt.
Getting to know you changes me for the better every single moment I spend with you. Something in you brings out the best parts of me. The parts of me I forgot how much I loved. Not only have I felt numb for so long. But I have never felt genuinely beautiful, not once in my entire life.
20 years. 20 years and not once have I ever felt enough. Never once have I felt truly beautiful. And then, then you looked at me. And the look in your eyes. Well, it changed everything.
Every single time your gorgeous brown eyes meet mine I start to glow. For the first time in my life, when I see you looking at me, I feel like the most beautiful girl in the entire world. You look at me and you smile, and that smile, it gets me every time.
With every smile of yours I can not help but catch the contagious light that you radiate. The light in you absolutely shines with a brightness I have never seen before. With every smile of yours I cannot help but smile right back. Not just because I feel happiness to the most extreme degree, but because I start to feel something that I forgot that I had inside me: the ability to love myself. To truly love who I am, just as I am, for all that I am.
To the boy who made me feel again. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. My gratefulness for your mysterious appearance in my life is one that I will never be able to quite describe. Thank you for all your encouragement, your positivity, your support, your belief in me. Thank you for the constant smile plastered on my face. Thank you for the late nights even when I have class at 9am. Thank you for the heart in my chest that beats so fast every time I see you. Thank you for bringing out the best in me, for reminding me of who I truly am, and for making me feel worthy of love from others and from myself. Thank you for the butterflies, the laughter, the memories I will cherish forever. Thank you for being vulnerable, and teaching me to do the same. Thank you for being fearless, for living in the moment and recognizing all its beauty. Thank you for my singing in the shower again, for bringing back my bubbly personality, my contagious laugh, and my passion for people. Thank you for making my heart beat again. Thank you for making me not only feel again, but for making me feel things I did not know could so beautifully exist. But most of all, just thank you for being YOU.
This is just the beginning. And my life already changes for the better with every day I am blessed with you in it. I do not know what the future holds, but you know what? I am not worried. Because the present moment with you, is just too beautiful to not get lost in. I do not know where we are going, or where we will end up. But what I do know is this; wherever you are, near or far, you will forever have a place in my newly restored heart.