To the boy who loved me first: thank you. I know I was an awkward little train wreck. And I know you were an oncoming train who didn't have the radio on to hear the news. We started out as terrified strangers, we grew to be best friends, and from then on I guess we went a little further. Even though we didn't work out, as far as first boyfriends go, you were pretty great.
To the boy who loved me first: your calloused hands always knew when to pull me back from the oblivion. You always knew how to curb my anger, and you always sat back in bewilderment when it was unleashed on you. Please. Don't ever completely lose your dazedness. When I got lost in books, you got lost in your head. And I don't blame you. Being a teenager sucked sometimes. And I know that sometimes you have to get lost in order to stay sane.
To the boy who loved me first: If you change, I hope you change for the better. Please stay caring. Please stay that boy that held my hand for the first time when I almost broke an ankle in heels. Please stay that boy that would order my family and I pizza when our internet went out at ten at night. Even if it's not for me, stay caring for yourself and others. It's good for the soul.
To the boy who loved me first: Stay strong. Shoulder through it. Come home if you must. We're growing, and now it's time to figure out things on your own. But don't be scared to look back sometimes and ask for help. You loved me first, and I'll be around to love you long after you're gone gone gone.
To the boy who loved me first: you didn't have to, but you took that first step with me. You laughed with me when we awkwardly bumped noses when we kissed, and inside the house you knew just the right way to get me to calm down and actually say what was on my mind.
To the boy who loved me first: when we had just been friends we had always joked about hazing the others dates, making sure they were worthy, and just generally scaring the daylights out of them constantly to keep them in line. When we dated, we lost that chance. But it didn't stop us from still clowning around and pulling the other from out of trouble. You were a glorified best friend, and you were what a best friend should be: open, caring, funny, and usually there. I don't know if it was me, or if it was just the combination of us, but something didn't click like it should have. I hope it didn't hurt you too much when we ended things, because all I wanted was to keep you, but as the Watson to my Sherlock, rather than the Clyde to my Bonnie.
To the boy who loved me first: I wish we could go back to the way things were. I don't regret taking those steps, because I know I could have ended up dancing with an even more wrong partner, but I wish we could go back to being how we were before all of this started. I ended things thinking that somehow I would be able to still keep you, even in a small way, but I guess you had other ideas. Whatever went on in your head, I'm sorry. I'll learn to get over it.
To the boy who loved me first: you were gentle, and funny, and you became a part of my family. But time changes us. Sometimes I probably won't agree with you, and I know you won't agree with me, but you had to move on and grow up. Now it's my turn, and I will always look back upon our time together and try to remember how lucky I was. You taught me how to lean on others, and how to be there when people fell. You taught me what it meant to be vulnerable, and what it meant to love.
To the boy who loved me first: Thank you, and good luck.
