Hello,

It's been a while.

I would like to start things off by saying thank you. Thank you for all of the hell you put me through during our short time together. Thank you for constantly making me feel as if I as a human, that I was never good enough for your attention or you in general. Thank you for always making me feel like I wasting my time, life and money by going to college to further my education so that I can make a better life for myself one day so that I don't have to rely on a man or anybody else post-college.

Thank you for destroying me and breaking me apart every single chance you got.

I am not saying any of this as a means to be rude or a bitter, hateful ex.

I am saying these things because I need you to know something. No -- I want you to know something.

Because of you, I realized that I am not weak, I am strong. I am good enough and I am worthy of so much more than you have to offer. I learned that I can walk through the fire and not be burned. That anyone who doesn't make that effort to be in my life does not deserve my attention. I also have the decency to respect others who hang out and/or talk with friends or members of the opposite sex. While you might be bitter about your life choices and decisions, I am not to blame or judge for them. After all, we're both just humans at the end of the day.

Do I mess up and fail every day? Yes. Do I blame my faults on others? No.

I opened up to you about so much, sharing my deepest fears. I told you about my plans for the future along with the pieces of my past that I had once refused to with others. Everything was so natural. I stayed on the phone for hours, tired and having to get up the next morning for classes while you would play your video games for hours. I found myself saying bye and hanging up only for my phone to go off shortly later. I would answer and tell you I had to go and hanging up again only for it to be repeated one last time. I would wake up the following day drained. No amount of iced coffee or going home for the weekend to catch up on rest could make me feel awake.

Every time I got my hopes up about you coming to visit , you would crush them without a moment's hesitation. Cold. Cruel. Callus. To you, it was nothing. To me, it was agonizing. The constant feeling like I had done something wrong to cause you to change your mind so quickly. Spending hours overthinking every single detail. Every word said by text or over the phone. Every little detail constantly replaying in my mind.

You told me to get over my anxiety as if it would go away in one night or in a quick twenty-four hours. To you, it made me less of a person. Anxiety was this big, bad word that was not to be spoken of; it was baggage that could be left at the gate and allow some other person to claim it.

I wish you all of the best with your life. I hope you've found someone who treats you good and truly loves you. I hope she is everything you've ever wanted it and everything that I never was nor could be. I hope that you've found happiness with your life and all the little joys it brings you. I hope that you've forgiven yourself for the things from your past; they do not define you nor your character. To me, you're still that person who told super cheesy jokes and tried oh so very hard to make me like cold winter weather even though I sure that Satan enjoyed watching me trying not to slip and fall on the ice while walking to class. You were someone whom I considered my friend and even after things ended, I tried to keep you in my life but sometimes it just doesn't go as you plan for it to. I wish you a lifetime of happiness and want you to know that each day, I say a little prayer that God does something amazing in your life or finds a way to use you to help another person.

You truly are a great person and I hope you never forget that.

Sincerely,

Your Almost Lover.