The break-up wasn't what hurt me. I mean, it did, but we never really looked at it as a break-up. We always talked about it as just taking a break. And maybe that's why I never let myself start to move on. Maybe that's why I held onto the hope that we'd end up together in the end.

Or, maybe it wasn't me and just living in my own little fantasy world. Maybe, the real problem was you constantly telling me that we were going to end up together. That we'd be back together soon and it wouldn't matter how much longer we take, because once it happens it would be together. Whenever I'd be upset and ask you if it really was over, you swore that you loved me and always would.

I believed you every time. Why wouldn't I? I had been with you for almost two years and I always thought that you would never have it in you to break my heart.

Unfortunately, what I didn't know what was you were a pretty good liar. While you were promising me a future and telling me how we were exclusive, and finding time to kiss me, you were with another girl. Making her the same promises. Doing the same things with her.

Only, you didn't tell me about her and she didn't know about me. We both thought we were the only girl in your life, but I guess that wasn't the case. And you didn't even have the decency to tell me about it. Instead, I had to see it and ask an outsider, because you were ignoring my messages because "you didn't want to hurt me." And even after I knew the truth, you continued to tell me otherwise. You were officially dating her and you sat me down, and instead of telling me the truth, you looked me in the eyes and told me that you loved me. That you were still in love with me. That the problem was that you were confused, but you didn't want me to walk out of your life.

And then, when I finally stood up for myself and told you that you didn't have to figure anything out, you still begged me to stay. You held me while you cried-while we both cried. You told me you didn't want it to be the end, but you couldn't give me an honest answer about your feelings for either one of us. Instead, it took me walking out the door and telling you that I wasn't going to be an option anymore. I left, and removed myself from the equation. And you didn't even have the decency to want to tell her until I threatened to do it myself. And even then, I was still the one to do it while you stood behind me and tried to lie.

The worst part of it all was that I lived through this same experience before. I just never wanted to believe it, but so many girls told me about how you led them on and told them they meant something to you, only for you to keep them a secret like you kept me. Only for you to come back to me in the end. And I always believed you, up until you looked me in the eyes and apologized for doing the same thing to me right here and now, that you had done months ago-that you had done when our relationship started. You just couldn't answer me about what role I was playing this time around.

But, through it all, I don't hate you. I couldn't hate you because you were my first love. My first boyfriend. The first boy that I saw a future with.

And even now, when you're moving on and still refusing to tell me the full truth and the full story, I'm sitting here missing you-but not the guy you've been since September. Instead, I miss the guy I fell in love with. I miss the guy who was sweet and loving and caring and who didn't lie to me. I miss the future that we had planned out. And most of all, the thing that I'll miss forever, are all of the memories I had from college that you were a part of. All of the memories that we made together that just seem so tainted now.

Still, it may sound like I'm mad at you and think you deserve the worst. I think that everybody deserves to know what you did. I don't agree that it should be kept a secret because of what other people might think. But, I do want you to be happy. I wish more than anything that I was the girl that made you happy, but I guess the fact that I stopped just rolling over and playing dead meant that it was time for something fresh. And even while my heart is breaking, know that I wish you all of the happiness in the world, because even with the tainted memories, you still made me happier than I had ever been before.