We were 16 when we first met. It has been almost 4 years now, but let me tell you I can still vividly remember looking into your eyes for the first time. Just from those few seconds, something in me ignited for you. I swear, somehow I know you were going to be important.
Throughout the last 4 years, we have gone back and forth with hurting each other. It’s like when one of us is finally ready to commit, the other is drowning in their own problems and desires. For a while I thought that we were just seeing who could hurt the other worse, like it was some type of twisted game that I never asked to be a part of. But let me tell you, I don’t think that I can out do the hurt you caused me this last time.
I truly do not understand how you could just leave without a word. I know the circumstances behind our situation were not typical and our relationship (or whatever you want to call it) was not at all normal. However, you meant something to me. When I started to get the feeling that you were going to leave me behind, I was crystal clear when I said to you that no matter what I needed some type of closure. But you chose to leave me behind without a single word of explanation.
The first couple of times I reached out to you and was left with no response, I made up excuses in my head for you. There had to be a reason that you were not talking to me. The third, fourth, and fifth time I reached out to you and was still left with nothing, I began to feel pathetic. I was allowing you to control the way I felt about myself, and I was allowing you to control how I was interacting with others who would’ve actually cared for me.
Over the past two months, I have been focusing on trying to find myself again. Because let me tell you, the worst part of this heartbreak was not losing you, but it was losing me. Before you came back into my life this last time, I was completely satisfied with how my life was going and how I was handling every situation that was thrown at me. You leaving me changed that. I became broken again, and I am trying so hard to fix myself. Step by step I can feel myself becoming stronger once again, and that is no thanks to you.
I know that you think that I am being overdramatic about the situation, and that we never technically “dated”, so you believe I shouldn’t care that you left me without reason. However, this is how I feel, and I will not continue to apologizing for my feelings. I was truly torn up over whatever we had ending without an explanation, and I wish you could’ve witnessed how it affected me, because maybe then you would’ve cared enough.
Despite all of this hurt, I am finally beginning to feel myself healing after 9 months of what felt like torture. My heart is mending and I am so proud of myself for pushing myself back up. This heartbreak has proved to me how important self-love is, and I am thankful for that.
Even after what you put me through, I will always care about you, and I will never deny that. I’m sure that if you called me up at this second that I wouldn’t hesitate to answer. I hope that you are doing well, and that one day you find whatever you are looking for. I also hope that you hope that one day you realize that I would’ve fought to give you the world.
