They say people change over time, I always thought it was for the best, but seeing what time has done to you, I completely disagree.
My parents have shown me what true love is, that love is about working through the tough times, supporting one another and being a best friend. I’ve seen these and many other qualities within my parent's marriage, and those were some of the qualities I brought to our relationship.
Our relationship was the closest thing to perfect at one point, we spent our days laughing with one another, stuffing our face with Chinese food and ice cream and doing the most random stuff. No matter what we found ourselves doing, I always found myself the happiest with you.
I supported you in whatever you did, whether it was in sports, school and just your dreams. I was there to comfort you during your stressful times, I would always buy you random gifts just so you knew how much I cared about you and always cleared my schedule if it meant I got to spend some time with you.
When we separated schools and the distance came, it’s like we both didn’t know how to live without one another. The past year we were together 24.7 and now we were two hours apart. I always blamed myself that this relationship didn’t work out, that I should’ve stayed at that school and things would be different. But as time passed, I wondered how I could ever blame myself for that? and how you could ever blame me for that as well?
How could you let distance affect our relationship? People do distance all the time, and our ‘distance’ was only ninety miles.
How could you tell me I’m ‘psycho’ if I just asked you to make a little more time for me, or don’t take three hours to respond to my text. How could you call me that when I was all about you, how I longed to talk to you every day.
How could you go out every night and get with random girls but tell me you still love me? Because here I was killing it in school, working a job and focusing on my future, my future that I thought would be you.
How could you tell me that I’m still the one if I heard stories of you with that other girl, the one you told me not to worry about?
How could you go weeks without speaking to me? And when you did text me, tell me things like you missed me and loved me but there was no way this relationship would work.
This isn’t everything you did to me or said to me, if I could write everything down I would be here for days on end. What you did to me was break me, made me feel like I wasn't good enough and strong me along for seven months.
What you don’t know and probably don’t care about is I spent days staring at my phone in hopes you would text me, and whenever you came around and told me what I wanted to hear I instantly fell in your trap, it’s like you had this plan all along.
You didn’t want me to move on because you knew I was good for you, hell everyone told you I was too good for you and you knew it. You knew that you couldn’t find the love I gave you in anyone else, or to find anyone else that would put up with your daily excuses.
I loved you more than anything, and unfortunately I probably always will love you. But there comes a point when you look at how someone’s been treating you and you realize you’re much more than a text every week, or waiting around for someone to change and they won’t, they just turn more into the person you hoped they’d never be.
I deserve love where I don’t have to question if you’ll cheat on me, I deserve love where I get the same amount I give in return, I deserve someone that’ll support me and won’t let anything come in the way of our relationship.
One day when I moved on, our when you have a daughter yourself and she’s being put through the same things you put me through, I hope you realize how wrong you were. How I spent nights crying so hard I was shaking, how I would get sick to my stomach about the stories people would tell me that I’d find myself leaning over the toilet.
I hope you know that I tried so hard with us, I gave you every single piece of me and no matter what that wasn’t enough and wasn’t appreciated.
One day I’ll find someone to appreciate me and what I have to offer.
