Frat Boy,

I shouldn't have expected anything from you. Everyone knows that you never date a frat boy, let alone begin to catch feelings for one. I've had my fair share of experiences and I should've known better. So, yes, shame on me for believing that you were different. That is entirely my own fault.

I guess that every girl wants to feel special and I guess that I'm just like every other girl. When I met you and you pursued me, I fell hard and fast. It was a very weird sort of connection and I didn't know what to do with whatever you had sparked in me. I'm not sure how you did it. I spent the past year running from emotions of any sort. Maybe it was the guitar, the old school music that you sung along with on your record player as I drifted off, or the way that you were so awkwardly shy about the mess in your room even though I couldn't have cared less. It could've been the way that you played with my hair or the way that you sleepily mumbled that you enjoy looking at things that you like when your eyes were fixated on me. Whatever it was, you got me even though I never wanted to be caught.

I wanted you. I wanted to hang out with you and not just at a mixer or a bar, but sober and with my attention solely on whatever you desired to talk about. I wanted to learn more about you. I wanted to know your likes and dislikes, your pet peeves, and your feelings towards topics other than parties and alcohol. I wanted to know who you were as a person and I wanted you to know me too.

I was foolish for falling for you, wasn't I? The more that I tried to reach out, the farther that you were from my grasp. You kept me at arm's length and when I cracked, you ran. You took advantage of my generosity time and time again, biting the hand that fed you just because you could. You twisted my words, confused me, and made me believe that I was wrong. Maybe messing with me wasn't a big deal to you. You probably just see me as another sorority girl and think that I'm overreacting. I don't blame you, but you told people a story that wasn't accurate. You warned your friends about me, said I was out of my mind, crazy and obsessed. That's not the truth and you know that. If you took the time to actually know me, then you would understand why your actions hurt me so badly and why you really messed up.

You see, if you bothered to see past my long hair and short dresses, you would have found a girl who was terrified of feeling anything at all. I've been broken before. The words of my past haunt me every day. Someone who I once loved more than myself told me that I was worthless and that boys would only use me and then throw me away like a paper doll. He told me no one would ever care about me. His promise caused me to shut down.

My friends begged me to try and find hope in love again, begged me to give someone the time of day, but I built a brick wall around myself and cemented the cracks. So when you came along and acted like you actually cared about me, I let you in. It was the first time that I pushed through the door that I locked myself into. You were the first boy who I let hold me close since I was shattered. It was the first time that I gave someone a chance again. It was the first time that I was excited about the thought of feeling something more than the numbness that I was accustomed to feeling for the longest time. You promised that you wouldn't hurt me and I was willing to wait for you for as long as I had to. Then you took it all back.

All of the sweet things that you said were lies. You used me, messed with my head, and threw me away. I didn't know what I did wrong, what had happened between us, and when I tried to understand, you laughed in my face and walked away. Contrary to your beliefs, though, my pain is not about you. To be honest, you're really not all that special and I could do better. This is bigger than that. This is about my past and how you played a part in making me feel like a paper doll. You solidified my insignificance. You hurt me.

I'll be OK. I'm a strong person and I always seem to push through, even when it feels like the world is purposely dragging me down. I've been through more than you can imagine, more than you'll ever go through, and I'm sure that life will hit me in the face in the future as well. When it does, I'll manage it just like I always do. I just want you to know that I would've been down for you. You gave away someone who would've done infinity and beyond for you, just like I've done for anyone who I've ever cared about in my life. I know who you are now. You should have tried to know me.

So shame on you, Frat Boy. Shame on you.

-Me