To Someone I Loved, A Year Later
Start writing a post
Relationships

To Someone I Loved, A Year Later

A year ago, I was doing so much worse.

455
To Someone I Loved, A Year Later
Rising Sun

You've been showing up on my TimeHop often, and most recently this past week. A year ago, we broke up for good and it very nearly destroyed me. Although I am sure you will never read this, I want you to know that I came back from everything so much better than when I left you. I once again find it difficult to open up to someone because, when I opened up to you, you abused it.

Breaking up with you took every last ounce of energy I had in me; you made me feel like I was the only one that was keeping you going, the only one that could save you when your demons were at their worst. I remember sitting in my car after work, shaking so hard I could barely call you, and I had silent tears down my cheeks as you told me that you "couldn't change, not even for me".

I remember you calling me drunkenly a few nights later telling me how you hooked up with another girl that night and told me that the entire time "you were thinking of me". At 3:30 in the morning, I was unable to really comprehend what you were saying; I was very sleepy, after all. But the next morning, it hit me, and I flipped out on you.

Two weeks later, I found out you had been cheating on me. I remember texting you in a fit of rage and you begging for my forgiveness. I said I needed a few days.

The next night you called me in a drunken fit because you had "lost the best thing that had ever happened to you".

I remember I talked you out of a drunken suicide that night.

I remember letting you promise that you would win my trust back and that we would be together forever, as I tried not to cry. I knew that it was over, but I couldn't say that to you. It would have made it too real.

We had been fighting for months before, over anything and everything, and I could never comprehend why. I didn't understand why you would suddenly lose your temper and say rude things to me, or not answer for hours and then start a fight when you did. I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. Every time I tried to change it, you would cry and tell me how you loved me and couldn't live without me.

I felt helpless and hopeless.

I never believed much in love during high school, but in my short eighteen years, I had never loved someone as much as I loved you. I couldn't understand why you would treat me the way you did and still claim to be in love with me.

I never blamed myself for being cheated on, and I think that's something that those scorned must learn; you are never to blame for being hurt.

It was his fault, because he didn't have to manipulate another girl into loving him; he didn't have to lie about what he was doing, or who he was with; he didn't have to make you feel crazy for being concerned about your relationship.

That was his fault; that was not you or anything you did wrong.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Robert Bye on Unsplash

I live by New York City and I am so excited for all of the summer adventures.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The invention of photography

The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.

148281

The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers

1614797

Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

1009997
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series

921800
Netflix

Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

601383
Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

385683
Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?

500089

Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments