To Someone I Loved, A Year Later

To Someone I Loved, A Year Later

A year ago, I was doing so much worse.

To Someone I Loved, A Year Later
Rising Sun

You've been showing up on my TimeHop often, and most recently this past week. A year ago, we broke up for good and it very nearly destroyed me. Although I am sure you will never read this, I want you to know that I came back from everything so much better than when I left you. I once again find it difficult to open up to someone because, when I opened up to you, you abused it.

Breaking up with you took every last ounce of energy I had in me; you made me feel like I was the only one that was keeping you going, the only one that could save you when your demons were at their worst. I remember sitting in my car after work, shaking so hard I could barely call you, and I had silent tears down my cheeks as you told me that you "couldn't change, not even for me".

I remember you calling me drunkenly a few nights later telling me how you hooked up with another girl that night and told me that the entire time "you were thinking of me". At 3:30 in the morning, I was unable to really comprehend what you were saying; I was very sleepy, after all. But the next morning, it hit me, and I flipped out on you.

Two weeks later, I found out you had been cheating on me. I remember texting you in a fit of rage and you begging for my forgiveness. I said I needed a few days.

The next night you called me in a drunken fit because you had "lost the best thing that had ever happened to you".

I remember I talked you out of a drunken suicide that night.

I remember letting you promise that you would win my trust back and that we would be together forever, as I tried not to cry. I knew that it was over, but I couldn't say that to you. It would have made it too real.

We had been fighting for months before, over anything and everything, and I could never comprehend why. I didn't understand why you would suddenly lose your temper and say rude things to me, or not answer for hours and then start a fight when you did. I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. Every time I tried to change it, you would cry and tell me how you loved me and couldn't live without me.

I felt helpless and hopeless.

I never believed much in love during high school, but in my short eighteen years, I had never loved someone as much as I loved you. I couldn't understand why you would treat me the way you did and still claim to be in love with me.

I never blamed myself for being cheated on, and I think that's something that those scorned must learn; you are never to blame for being hurt.

It was his fault, because he didn't have to manipulate another girl into loving him; he didn't have to lie about what he was doing, or who he was with; he didn't have to make you feel crazy for being concerned about your relationship.

That was his fault; that was not you or anything you did wrong.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less

Nordstrom's Biggest Sale Has The Most Legendary Deals On Luxury Beauty Brands We've Ever Seen

Counting down the days to the Chanel box set gracing my front door.

I oftentimes (excessively) use the excuse of my job as a writer to justify my excessive spending habits.

I needed the new Huda Beauty palette before anyone else in the name of journalistic integrity. It was my job to test out the new Francis Kurkdjian fragrance to make sure I could tell people whether or not it was truly worth the splurge (it was).

Keep Reading... Show less

Listen, you can do whatever you want with your free time. It's yours to spend and you have free range. However, I hope you recognize that there are a ton of proactive things you can do right now instead of stalking your man's ex – yes, I know you do it becuase we are all guilty of it.

Take this time to research your privilege. There are always new things to learn and ways to deepen your understanding of yourself, this world, and your surroundings. We live in a multi-dimensional, ever-changing society that needs your help and your time. By that, I mean there are so many layers to each and every one of us, and with our physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional selves, we can create real, positive change.

Keep Reading... Show less

Preview These Top Nordstrom Anniversary Sale 2020 Picks — From Luxury Purses To Skincare

Currently 3 million people viewing the Stella McCartney purse I absolutely must have.

Online shopping has been a guilty pleasure of ours for years, but now more than ever it's been a shopping lover's outlet for all our home redecorating projects and resort wear we're purchasing for that trip we had to cancel.

One of my favorite places to (virtually) window shop has always been Nordstrom. I admittedly can't afford to go on sprees there often, but I still get a high off of adding things to my cart I know I'll never actually end up buying. But sometimes, that's not enough — that's when I, like the masses of luxury-, beauty-, fashion-, and decor-lovers around the world count the days down to the annual Nordstrom Anniversary Sale.

Keep Reading... Show less

I remember the days where closet drinking before going to a party or bar was part of the night's itinerary. It was a requirement to have a good buzz flowing before calling the Uber to take you to that bar where you see everyone from your high school at. The pregames were the best part of the night, but it wasn't ever because of the alcohol, it was because of the atmosphere and those who were in it. The number of times I've heard "Wait, why aren't you drinking tonight? C'mon, get drunk with us" is endless, but think about it. Where were you when you were asked that? You were at the goddamn pregame and being there doesn't mean you need to be ripping shots. Being social doesn't require alcohol.

I asked 20 people how they cut back on alcohol while still being social.

Keep Reading... Show less

Whether you are quarantining away from your significant other because of coronavirus or separated by the country lines at this time, it's fair to say that long-distance relationships are tough no matter what. However, there are ways to show love from a distance whether that's through daily FaceTime calls, cute Snapchats, or sexy pics sent to them on their phone. You can brighten up their day even more with some of these unique gifts that can fit any price range and a variety of interests.

Keep Reading... Show less

Rihanna is known for many things: her music, fashion, makeup, and now skincare. As a makeup artist myself, I can confidently say that she rocked the makeup world when she released her makeup line in 2017 and has been influencing the beauty world ever since.

Trying some of her makeup products myself, I know that she doesn't skimp on quality, and even though some of her products may be a little pricey, trust me, you get what you pay for.

Keep Reading... Show less

Friends, no one needs to be reminded that the COVID-19 pandemic rages on in the U.S. Frankly, this is because we have all collectively decided not to do the one simple thing that was asked of us and wear a mask.

I could make this a very boring article, and berate you with facts and statistics and the importance of wearing a mask, but I have opted against that for both of our sakes. Instead, I will attempt to reach you in another way. You might not care about a disapproving look from me, but from Nick Miller? Maybe that will be enough to change your mind.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments