I always start these articles thinking I know the answers to the questions I layout, but I usually find out by the time I finish that I really don't have it figured out...not even close. The current question surrounding my love life is this: Is it all in my head?
I think the answer I have to this question right now is, yes, it's partially in my head, and no, it's not in my head at all. But that doesn't make much sense, does it?
I spend my days fantasizing about him, all the while neglecting the real version of him waiting for me on the other side of the phone. My friends know how much I think about him, but he doesn't have a clue. Right now I stand on a tight rope, doing my best to find the balance between rationality and romanticism.
How do we ever know when it's OK to fall and when we need to turn the other way?
I've been seeing David for about a month now, and he's the kind of man that women are programmed to distrust. I was wary of him the minute I saw him, and even more, wary the minute he asked me out. He's rugged and gorgeous and a bad boy with a kind heart buried underneath it all, and oh my god, he's just a recipe for disaster.
Going into the relationship, my walls were built up high. But he'd begun to knock them down, consistently asking me about my day, giving me sweet compliments, and turning to me when he was seeking comfort.
However, as the weeks go by, I find myself feeling like he should be giving more, or at least he could be if he really wanted to. We hang out about once a week, but I'd like to see him more than that. We take hours to text each other back. We dance around topics that are too serious. I'm annoyed at him for these things, but then I look at myself and realize that I'm giving even less than he is.
This brings me to perhaps the most important question: How far should we go to protect our hearts?
In this day and age, dating seems to be a waiting game of who is going to show they care more first. It's refreshing when someone exits the game and is simply honest, but I can't even do it myself, so how can I expect it from someone else?
If I'm taking a hard look at myself, I know that my protective walls come from a place of insecurity. I'm thinking, how can I ever keep the attention of a man that beautiful?
I thought about what I'd say to my friends if they were in my shoes, and I definitely would tell them that the question above is ridiculous.
When giving advice to ourselves, it's always important to look at it that way. What would you tell your best friend to do? We lose perspective when dealing with our own situations.
This week, I write to you a series of questions with no definite answers. Maybe these questions aren't always answered at once, maybe each scenario constitutes a different answer.
But I say, take a deep breath, let it unfold, and when in doubt, take the leap.
If someone is deterred by the fact that you like them or want to see them, well that's their problem, isn't it?
Maybe we don't have all the right answers, but what we can do is try to ask the right questions.