Tomorrow marks the beginning of my first last day of the semester within my undergraduate career, something that is simultaneously invigorating and terrifying. Invigorating because of the obvious, of course; I'm almost finished with an immense goal, moving one step closer towards becoming the individual I desperately wish to be. But terrifying because, while I seem to have a rough, skeletal outline of what I want to do with my life, I don't exactly have a definite plan, per say, and that's a little disconcerting at times. I look to my companions that have their lives figured out and I think, "Oh, pal, you are falling way, way behind." Maybe it's because I haven't taken the GRE yet, or the fact that I haven't purchased the review book because spending that twenty-some dollars seems like a permanently binding contract. Funny, how I avoid buying a silly book but had little issue dropping fifty bucks on my diploma an entire semester before I graduate.
I think a lot of the issues I'm having revolve around my desire to have everything at this very instant. Yes, parents, you were right, and you can rag on me later about that. I've become obsessed with the notion of instant gratification, and when I can't immediately achieve something, I become antsy. My future, unfortunately, falls into this category, as I wake up in the middle of the night berating myself because I don't have enough publishing credits, I don't send enough hours writing, and I don't know where I want to end up when I finally decide to leave West Virginia. I'm just kind of...winging it. And I know there's a part of me that wants to say, "Hey, that's okay," when really, it isn't. If I have a problem, I should be working to fix it in smaller steps instead of demanding so much of the universe while giving the bare minimum in return.
In an effort to appeal to my sense of accomplishment but also alleviate some stress, I have decided to document my smaller goals for this final semester, cementing them on the Internet as a way to keep myself on track, wherever said track may take me. I vow to not clutter my mind, as that is literally the last thing I need this semester, and to only provide goals that I believe to be manageable for someone at this current level of composition. So, as an open letter from me to, well, post-grad me...
1. Submit something to a literary magazine once a month.
This shouldn't be difficult. Really, it shouldn't, not if you're writing enough which, admittedly, you have not been, as of late. You need to stop focusing so much on outside influences and hone in on your own mastery of the written word. Sitting around and watching anime all day is not going to get me a publishing contract, and honestly, you should be smacked in the head for wasting so much time.
2. Stop caring what other people think.
You're well on your way, but seriously, you still have your moments wherein you genuinely care about what others think of me--and I mean, like, total strangers--and that's just stupid. You do not and should not care what Sally down the street thinks of your writing, wardrobe, tattoo, etc. Gotta get over it.
3. Spend less time on the treadmill.
Literally wore a hole in the tread. This has got to stop.
4. Drink more water. / Eat better.
I'm hoping that by the time you have graduated, you will have learned that water is your friend and that pizza, while delicious, should not be consumed more than once a week. Think about your skin. And the fact that your bloodstream is most likely, at the current moment in time, consisting of grease.
5. Take the GRE. / Apply for somewhere outlandish.
I'm sure you'll have done this by graduation; I've got that much faith. And I hope that, as you look back on your final semester, you'll see all of the intense hours of studying that got you this far.
And I don't care where you apply, as long as it's somewhere you truly want to go. I know very well that you do not want to spend your life in West Virginia (nice as it is), so just make a damn decision.
See you on the other side of graduation. Here's to the final stretch.
