First of all, I am a second year student at Queens University in Charlotte, North Carolina. I tell you this to let you know that I am only about two hours away from my hometown. I knew I wanted to get out of the small city I lived in, while still being close to home. Maybe your child wanted to go further. I am pretty sure I know students who are more than twelve hours away from home. I have met exchange students who are, obviously, thousands upon thousands of miles away from their home.
So to the parents who are leaving their kids at university, whether it be for the first time or the last, it is okay to be emotional about it. Of course, it is important to try not to overdo it. This is a really good step for your child. They are trying to expand their world...or just find a hundred parties to go to (I hope they want to expand their world and knowledge though, really.).
Just from watching my own parents over the past year and some months I think I have come to understand--at least a little bit--how emotional this can be for you all. You have spent the last 17 or 18 years of your life living with this child and raising them. You have been there every step of the way and now you are getting to a place where you will not be there every moment. That cannot be easy for you.
I can assure you though, once you see what your child is accomplishing it will all be OK. My mom and dad were both really sad about leaving me at Queens last year, and they still are this year. I do not think my dad can even come with me to move-in this year because of his work schedule, so it may be a little harder on him. My mom though, she has already done her fair share of crying and she probably is not done (haha.).
Last year I called my mom at least once a day (most of the time it was two or three times though. Rarely did it stay at one phone call). I would talk to my sister and my dad as well. I know that the relationship I have with my parents may not be the same relationship that you have with your child. Maybe you are not as close. Maybe they do not want to call you that often, or have you come up to visit very much--if at all. I know that may be rough on you, but it might actually be for the best. No matter how hard it may be for you to take a teeny step backwards, when is there going to be a better time?
When you drop your child off, or help them move in, there are going to be a million thoughts running through your head. I think you will be happy, but also sad. I think you will be excited for your child (especially if it is their dream school) and want to be involved as much as you can. That is so OK. There are going to be a lot of thoughts running through your child's head too, no matter how close they are to you. As much as I talked about wanting to get away from home I did find myself missing it a little bit. As excited as I was for school, I found myself being disappointed in the way things are going (which I talked about in my open letter to my sophomore year).
Your child may love college. They may get there and never want to leave, but there will come a time when they realize that they do miss you--even if it is just a little bit. Leaving your kids at university for the first time may be difficult, some may guarantee that it is difficult, but for your kid it is going to be worth it. This is their time to explore their interests, make new friends, become their own person, and shine as bright as they are meant to be.
And hey, if you really are feeling super down about it--talk to them. Tell them that you are going to miss them, that you are going to be worried, and that you want to talk to them on the phone every once and awhile. But make sure they get used to the school first. Then they may even come to you first.
Sincerely,
A Second Year University Student
