I like to think things happen for a reason. I like to think I was put on the Earth for a reason and that certain people were placed in my life for a reason. Of all of the things I can find reasons for, it’s been difficult for me to find reason as to why we grew apart.

For the longest time, it was you and me. We did everything together: reading our first Cosmopolitan magazine, experimenting with make-up, entering high-school and college side-by-side. Then suddenly, it was no longer you and me, but us and other people. Conversations became shorter, hangouts became non-existent, until eventually, we were practically strangers.

Often times I reminisce on what we used to be – the friendship we used to share. I remember vowing to myself how you were the one – how you were going to be my best friend forever. I mean, how could I ever replace you? There would be times where we wouldn’t be together and I would be thinking about something and sure enough, you would text or call me to talk about the thing I was thinking about without you even knowing. We had this sort of telepathy, you and me. But somehow, without me ever understanding, that special telepathy we had ended.

While we’ve been apart, I’ve had a lot of time to not only think about our friendship but to think about myself as your friend. This time apart has showed me how I wasn’t always the best friend that you deserved. I was mean, I was selfish, and at times, I didn’t even try to understand you, especially when you needed me to the most. To my old friend, I am sincerely sorry for not always being the friend you deserved.

I’ve thought about what went wrong with our friendship and how we grew apart. I think about how unimaginable it was for me to think of us never being best friends. The truth is though, I think we needed to grow apart to find ourselves and to grow back together again.

We spent so much time being everything for one another, that we started to resent the things that the other person had, whether we realized it or not. I resented your perfect closet and healthy bank account. Over time, this made us get competitive. Again, I don’t know if we realized this or not, but it definitely happened. We shared so many things: cheerleading, friends, crushes, clothes, schools, and majors. I think that as freshmen year approached, it became too much.

Thinking back, I’m think I’m happy that we fell apart in the way that we did; it wasn’t messy, we weren’t left despising one another – it kind of just happened, we drifted apart. We used to be flowers from the same branch, but our branches separated so we were able to bloom into flowers all on our own.

Our time apart has showed me how truly thankful I am to have had someone like you to do so much growing with. You are the person who watched me go from am eye-liner addicted brace-face to a glasses wearing writer. You were there with me through it all, from helping me learn how to cope with ending a long-term relationship to the trials and tribulations that come with a healthy body image. For the longest time, you were my rock, and I will forever be thankful to you for being there for me.

To my old friend, I am so happy and blessed to know you. I am thankful for growing apart from you, for if that had not happened, we would not have had the opportunity or ability to grow together again. We wouldn’t know what life is like without one another, something I am happy the both of us got to experience. I am happy that after all of this time, all of the time I thought you were a friend who I used to have and wouldn’t have again, that we have the ability to talk like nothing has changed.

Though you are my old friend, you are first and foremost my friend, which is something I am happy to be able to say again.