When it comes to love and relationships, I think everyone who has known me my whole life would describe me as a big question mark. In high school, I dated very few people. I think I only brought one guy home and that wasn't because he was important- it's just what I thought I was supposed to do. By the time high school ended, almost everyone had had their first loves, first heartbreaks, first everything. I always felt like I was behind in that area. It didn't bother me though. I did more heart breaking than I had heartbreak, and these little "heartbreaks" didn't phase me for more than a week. I suppose everyone thought of me as the girl that would probably never settle down, and I was convinced that it was true.
Everyone told me just to wait until college, that I would find someone. South Alabama here I come. I didn't really put much thought into it. If I met someone I went out with them, but that was it. It was usually one date and then it was over. Nobody kept my interest. A handful of people stuck around for maybe a month at a time, but eventually those all ended too. This went on for my first year and a half of college. They say the best ones are the ones you never see coming. Boy did I never see you coming...
I began to crush on a guy that was pretty popular around campus. Everyone loved him it seemed. We had spoken over social media, but never in person. A few days after my birthday, I was in my apartment kitchen and I happened to glance out my window. As fate would have it, there you were, standing in the dog park with your large dog. I took one glance over at my best friend, and she insisted that I go out there. "What would I even say?" I asked. I took one step out the door, and I guess the rest is history as they say...
Little did we know, that conversation would change everything. You invited me to come see your place, but I didn't think it was sincere. The next time I saw you, you again brought up the two of us spending time together. I brushed it off again. One night, I was heading to bed and you had texted me. "I'm leaving my friend's place, you wanna go get food?" I wasn't hungry, but I agreed to come along. You wouldn't eat in front of me, which I thought was crazy because you didn't strike me as the type to be embarrassed about anything. You made me watch Netflix on your phone while you ate. We went inside your apartment, and I got this strange feeling like I didn't want to leave. We talked and we watched tv and laughed, and already I knew that this was something new. I had never felt this comfortable around anyone so soon. I fell asleep next to you, and you didn't try anything with me. We just genuinely loved each other's company. It was the purest start to a relationship that would change my life.
The next week I spent almost every night at your place. Were you ever going to make a move? We just couldn't seem to stay away. Then, you told me you were going to transfer halfway across the country, and I might as well move on and forget it happened- I refused. I was determined to spend all the time with you that I could before you left. Long story short… we spent about a week apart for spring break and you came back and wanted to see me. Things went really far that night (my first time ever) but I will always be glad it was you.
Two years later I'm typing this out, remembering the times we said we would end things, only to see each other a few months later. It was always the same between us, from the night you told me you loved me to the very last night we spent together. I know we were never meant to be, but I want you to know I'll love you for my whole life, and I'll always be thankful for you. We don't even speak now, but just know that I'll always wish you the best. You were my very first love.
-Your nap buddy, your almost soulmate, AB
