It’s 1 am. I am really struggling to calm down after waking up from a nightmare. My roommate is asleep. I’m trying not to wake her up again, but I am so shaken up. I needed to talk to someone. Opening up messenger on my phone, I know I can message one person who would be up. You were up because it’s only 10 pm where you live. I say one simple word, “Hey” and wait for your response. I am crying so much I can barely see the bright screen with your surprised response. You were surprised I was still up, but I typed on word that made my late night message make sense. “Nightmare”. It took me three tries to spell it right. I had to dry my eyes to hit the right keys. You understood immediately.

You started to talk me down from the ledge in a sense. Reminding me that it was only a bad dream and that I should breathe and try to relax. I told you that it felt real and that I couldn’t do anything. You reminded me that it wasn’t real and wished you could be there to help me, but you were helping. I felt hopeless, but you were strong for me: reminding me that the nightmares will go away, that I will heal, and that you are there for me. Something I need more than ever. I was still scared. Scared to sleep or close my eyes. You understood. You wanted to be closer. You wanted to not be so far that you couldn’t help. However, you were helping and you could help because your distance was so great. Your distance made you awake at the time when no one here was. A time that I really needed someone. I do wish you lived closer. I wish that God would fold the us in half. Then we could be right next to each other. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t work like that, but at that moment I was thankful for your distance.

You try to think of ways I can calm down. I am stubborn in my efforts not to go back to sleep that night. As I hold my teddy bear and imagine you right there next to me, you tell me that you miss me tons. You remind me that I am the roommate you could never replace. I feel the same. I recall our similar taste in music and the time I was sleepwalking. I tried to give you back your Ipod at 2 am. The same Ipod I gave back 4 hours earlier. You recall it too. With a lot more fondness than me. You told me the story two weeks after it happened. I had no idea I had done that. It made a lot of sense though. You put several emoticons of a face crying and laughing and tell me that I crack you up. You tell me about other things I did in my sleep while we roomed together those three weeks. You tell me how I was sitting against the wall and you thought I was awake so you would talk to me. You realized that I was asleep. I didn’t know I did that. I told you that it solved the mystery of why my back and neck would hurt. More laughing/crying emoticons. You told me that eventually I would lay down like a normal person which is probably why I never realized it. You tell me that it takes talent to fall asleep like that. You tell me how I would sleep talk. I kind of knew about that. My current roommate has told me that too. You tell me I would giggle and that made you laugh. I giggled? I’ve stopped crying by now. So wrapped up in finding out the crazy things I did while sleeping.

“I’m surprised I ever managed sleeping in a tent without falling out” I type. I send it. I remind you of the camping trip we took during those three weeks. AKA worst camping trip. I rant about how bad it was and how the other girls made me sleep in another tent alone. You tell me about how cramped you were and how you wished you could have been alone. We both hated the tents. I am so tired, but I don’t want to close my eyes. You tell me I am so stressed. You’re 100% right. You remind me how much I have gone through this week and how much I have up ahead. It’s understandable, but you encourage me to stay strong. I am laying down now instead of sitting up. I think I am ready to try to sleep again. I tell you how much better I feel and how much you helped me. I tell you that I am going to try and sleep. It had only been 40 minutes. It feels like we went back 3 years though. It is so crazy how time passes and how in such a short time, due to a change of plans, we became such close friends. I trust you more than most of the people who don’t live on the other side of the country.

We say good night and you wish me sweet dreams. I cry a little. Not because I’m sad, but because I can’t believe how blessed I am to have such an awesome friend that is so close even when she lives so far away. A friendship this strong stretches even farther than we are, but that don’t move farther, ok? Love you!