Mom,

It is hard to believe that you won't be around the way that I know you to be. I'm not sure where you are exactly, the idea of heaven would be nice, but I know you're somewhere near. I wrote a letter to you not that long ago about how much I appreciated your faith in me, and I just wanted you to know that I still believe in you, and the promise that you would always be with me.

This past Christmas wasn't the same event that it usually was, there were no ornaments on the tree, and the stockings weren't perched in their place on the mantle. It was different, but we knew it would be when we found out that you were sick over Thanksgiving. In many ways I longed for the holiday that I once knew, the one where you would sing Christmas songs whether or not you were invited to do so, or making cookies for the unexpected visitors as they came to share in the cheer.

Yet we made this Christmas something else special, we spent nights talking and reminiscing, you watched me crochet on the couch and I watched you sleep while Gilmore Girls was playing in the background. You always took care of me, and this was my chance to take care of you, and as hard as this fight was for you, it rarely ever showed.

This winter break was not at all what I would have expected, but I wouldn't have traded any moments we had for the world. I know you never liked to see worry in my eyes, but after all the concern you had shown for me how could I not do the same. After all I am my mother's daughter.

Anytime that I start to feel sad I remember all of the fun things that we have done, from the amazing trips we've taken to the day we came to the city for my internship interview this past summer. I know you didn't get to have as long as you had hoped, and definitely no where near as long as I would have wanted, but I feel like we got to experience more than some people do in their whole lives.

I know at the end of the day you would have no regrets about the life you've lived. All of the student's lives that you've touched, the impact you have made is a legacy to be proud of. You always told me how proud you were of me and I wish I had said it more to you because if there was one thing that you made me, it was proud.

I will always be proud and I will always believe in the promises you made. You promised that you'd always be with me, and that's what makes my days easier because I know even though I can't see you, I can feel that you're with me.

You're with me when I make my commute to the city, and when I procrastinate doing homework. I know you're with me when I am talking to dad over the phone or interacting with my friends. If you were one thing, you were not a liar, and for that I believe that you are here. I just wish I could hear and see you.

Love, your little girl