To My Old "Squad"

To My Old "Squad"


Dear Squad/ Fam/ Old friend group,

I'd like to affirm that I'm not formulating this with a malicious undertone. This piece isn't meant to be shady. What I want is, to be honest with all of you.

Our individual friendships were the world to me. Often times, I worried too much about your lives and emotions that I put myself last. I'm not blaming you for my feelings. In fact, it taught me how to detach myself from investing my time in matters that don't concern me. I don't regret the time we spent together whether it was driving around, staying up late (even though I fell asleep first at 10 a.m) watching horror movies, or roasting each other. They're memories I will never forget and will fondly reflect on as a part of my high school career.

I met all of you freshman year (or prior to) so thanks for supporting me when I was in my emo phase. Having three years to bond, hurt, grow, and learn from each other can involve more than arguments. We rarely argued until it was the end and if we did, it was awkward silence for weeks and a puddle of apologetic tears. While we knew each other for a brief time, our experiences allowed me to learn these things about myself:

1.) I worry too much about what other people think.

2.) I fear confrontation and it's damaging to my health and relationships.

3.) I am worth something.

4.) I need to put myself first more often.

5.) Sorry is simply not enough.

I apologized far too much for things that I didn't do. I'm not saying that I was a saint in every situation because all of us have done something to each other whether it was accidental or intentional. You often assumed that I said or wrote something that was targeting you individually. While most of the time I was falsely accused in those situations, I'm sorry when it was true. Discussing any of our issues on Twitter was unnecessary and I never subtweet because of the consequences. Not only does it hurt others but only band-aids my anger for a short while. I know most of you bitterly mentioned me indirectly after we stopped talking. I can't hold onto internet feuds that were over nothing, especially when I will never see you again.

A lot of our arguments happened because I said "No." I have a right to say no. You've said "no" to me whether it be about borrowing clothes, hanging out, or asking someone a question for me. I didn't make alternative plans to get my way or believed we weren't friends because of it- I coped with rejection. Thank you for showing me that I can say "no" and the world won't end.

All of you knew that I grew up with distant, relatively small family. Looking into your lives of dysfunction, experience as well as personal struggle gave me comfort. It made me feel as if I wasn't the only kid that had similar issues. Slowly you became my family, as crazy as it sounds. We had political as well as religious disagreements, variations in musical taste, and opposing opinions but we needed each other. I needed you when I couldn't cope. I needed you when I was repeatedly hurt by the same person. While most of those times you simply replied, "That sucks I'm sorry" it meant so much to me. I wanted a close family and you guys gave me one when I couldn't accept that mine wasn't.

I've learned that there is a fine line between a healthy relationship and a manipulative relationship. Thank you for that.

I've learned that people that can't support me don't deserve me.

I've learned that being "shady" is really just being an ass. It's funny at times but the humor has an undertone of head-ass.

As close as we were I didn't feel valued. I didn't feel valued because of how much I tried to fight for everyone- when it was me, everyone would get worried about how they would look. That contributed to me no longer trying to get involved with other people's issues.

I've had several friend groups since I had moved here and none of them had affected me as much as ours did. Negatively? Definitely. Positively? Yes.

Thank you for allowing myself to be in unnecessary conflict because it made a better person- damaged emotionally, but better.

May your lives be filled with success, hydration, healthy relationships, and deep appreciation for what you have.

Sincerely, honestly, and most importantly,

Your old friend.

Cover Image Credit: The CW

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A Letter To My Go-To Aunt

Happiness is having the best aunt in the world.

I know I don't say it enough, so let me start off by saying thank you.

You'll never understand how incredibly blessed I am to have you in my life. You'll also never understand how special you are to me and how much I love you.

I can't thank you enough for countless days and nights at your house venting, and never being too busy when I need you. Thank you for the shopping days and always helping me find the best deals on the cutest clothes. For all the appointments I didn't want to go to by myself. Thank you for making two prom days and a graduation party days I could never forget. Thank you for being overprotective when it comes to the men in my life.

Most importantly, thank you for being my support system throughout the numerous highs and lows my life has brought me. Thank you for being honest even when it isn't what I want to hear. Thank you for always keeping my feet on the ground and keeping me sane when I feel like freaking out. Thank you for always supporting whatever dream I choose to chase that day. Thank you for being a second mom. Thank you for bringing me into your family and treating me like one of your own, for making me feel special because you do not have an obligation to spend time with me.

You've been my hero and role model from the time you came into my life. You don't know how to say no when family comes to you for help. You're understanding, kind, fun, full of life and you have the biggest heart. However, you're honest and strong and sometimes a little intimidating. No matter what will always have a special place in my heart.

There is no possible way to ever thank you for every thing you have done for me and will continue to do for me. Thank you for being you.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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To My Long-Distance Best Friend, We Might Be 7,811 Miles Apart, But Our Friendship Only Gets Stronger

It breaks my heart that I cannot be around for your birthdays or to celebrate your achievements. But I'm so proud of every milestone you achieve. I am so proud of all your accomplishments and the person you are becoming.


To my best friend,

It has been 270 days since I last met you and 206 more days until I meet you again. People say that time flies by quickly, but these have been the most difficult days that seemed to drag on forever. Five years ago when you were sitting next to me on the first day of our sociology class, I had no idea we would end up being best friends. From sharing my mother's parathas during lunch breaks to the countless sleepovers, I will never forget all the memories we created throughout high school.

I vividly remember the day I told you I would be studying abroad. You were so happy and proud of me for pursuing my dreams but also upset that we wouldn't be seeing each other every now and then. I was worried if our friendship would even last. But we have spent almost two years away from each other and our friendship only seems to get stronger.

I'm so grateful to technology for allowing us to be in touch all the time. My day doesn't feel complete if I do not receive a text from you. I know we do not video call often because of how busy our schedules are (another reason being time zones suck and I cannot do the math), but always know that I am there for you. It breaks my heart that I cannot be around for your birthdays or to celebrate your achievements. But I'm so proud of every milestone you achieve. I am so proud of all your accomplishments and the person you are becoming.

We have both had some terrible friendship experiences in our past before we met each other that have completely broken our faith in friendships. But know that you can always count on me and that I will never leave your side. Know that I will always set an alarm early in the morning just to video call you. Know that I will always be there for you (even if I'm not physically present around you). Know that you will always be the first person I share everything with.

I cannot thank you enough for everything you have done for me. Thank you for encouraging me to make new friends at college. Thank you for always being there during my failures and reminding me that it's not the end of the world and that more opportunities will come my way. Thank you for being there during my successes and being my number one cheerleader. Thank you for always reminding me to love myself. You not only have a special place in my heart but also have a special place in my family. My mother and sister not only glad that I have a best friend like you but also adore you so much. It is impossible to imagine a life without you.

I cannot wait for more butter chicken sleepover dates in December!

Lots of love,

Your best friend.

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