To My Mom

To My Mom

You're the kind of person people strive to be

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You're the kind of person people strive to be

That's probably why dad got on one knee

You take such good care of all of us T's

So, I'm going to express the influence you've had on me


There is nothing in this world you wouldn't do

To make sure me and my sister are happier than you.

For almost 18 years I dreaded staying at your work late

But little did I know how much of that I would appreciate.


For many years I argued with you nonstop

Trust me I know your head was about to pop.

But even then, you and dad still worked so hard

So me and tori could play in our big backyard.


We never quite appreciated what you and dad do

But one day I hope I'm as great a parent as you two.

For that I truly just want to thank you

And you will always be the first one's I turn to.


For years I thought I always had to hide

But little did I know you were always on my side.

You were always there even when I didn't want to talk

And no matter what, you will forever be my rock.


I'm the person I am today because of you,

You've taught me to be strong, confident, loyal, and true.

When I was little all my Achievements found a place on the fridge

And if I really wanted something, you'd give it to me without a fit.


You were more involved in my life than most parents are

And you always made me feel like I was a superstar.

The best things in my life have all been because of you

And I hope one day I can make it up to you.


Wherever I go, whatever I do

I hope one day I succeed enough to fill your shoes.

But no matter what, in the end,

You will always be my best friend.

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Dear Mom, From Your Daughter In College

Here are all the things our phone calls aren't long enough to say.
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Dear Mom,

Do you remember when I was three and we would play together?

It was the age of princesses and carpet that was actually lava, and you were the prettiest woman in the whole wide world. Do you remember when I was in high school and the world seemed too big and scary? You would know exactly when to take me on a mother-daughter date and have me laughing about anything and everything, and you were the smartest woman in the whole wide world.

Now, I'm buried in homework and deadlines hours away from you and we don't get to talk as much you want, but you're still the prettiest, smartest woman in the whole wide world.

I'm sorry that I don't call you as much as I should, and you know a lot of what goes on in my world via posts and pictures. Our schedules just seem to never line up so we can have the three-hour conversations about everything like I want to. I know we don't agree on absolutely everything, but I cherish every piece of advice you give me, even though it probably seems like I'm hardly listening.

I know that sometimes we get on each other's nerves, but thank you for putting up with me for all of these years. Thank you for listening to me cry, complain, question things and go on and on about how everything in college is. I know I don't come home as much as I used to, but I think about you all the time. After all, you're my first friend, and therefore, my best friend.

Thank you for celebrating my successes with me, and not downing me too hard for my failures. Thank you for knowing what mistakes I shouldn't make, but letting me make them anyway because you want me to live my life and be my own person. Thank you for knowing when to ask about the boy I've been talking about, and when to stop without any questions. Thank you for letting me be my crazy, weird, sometimes know-it-all self.

Thank you for sitting back and watching me spread my wings and fly. There is no way I could have known how to grow into the woman I am today if I hadn't watched you while I was growing up so I would know what kind of person I should aspire to be. Thank you for being the first (and the best) role model I ever had. You continue to inspire and amaze me every day with all that you do, and all that you are.

I don't know how I got so lucky to have a person in my life like you, but I thank the Lord every night for blessing me with the smartest, prettiest person to be my best friend, my role model, my confidant, my person and most importantly, my mother.

Love,

Your daughter

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Love You More.

An open letter.

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Sometimes, when we get older, we beat ourselves up for things we didn't know when we were kids. It's not like we can be blamed for our ignorance, though, but something inside us says things would be drastically different if you had just known that one thing.

Everyone is at some point a child, but not everyone experiences childhood, and that is why I think it is a privilege. I think children are born to homes and pasts they don't choose, and I think some of those kids should be prayed for. Not every home is ready to take care of a child's everyday demands. Not every family is ready to accept the life and joy a baby brings. Sometimes, parents need to do a bit of their own healing before they think it's the right time to bring a child to the earth.

In my case, my mother left me too early. I was fifteen. I was at a friend's house, having just convinced my aunt and grandma to let me sleep over. Suddenly, an urgent call from my aunt left me in tears: I had to pack my bags that instant, I could not sleepover, and we'd talk when we got home. I thought I was in trouble for something. I thought one of my earlier delinquencies would have caught up with me, but no. It had nothing to do with that.

When a daughter loses her mother it is hard to put into words the feelings that follow. Should there be sadness? Remorse? Self-pity? Guilt? Fear? I felt all of those things, and it wasn't fun trying to sort them out. I instantly felt alone, despite having failed to call her for three whole weeks prior to her death. I wasn't ready to be alone. I wasn't ready to deal with problems by myself and not have anyone to talk to that actually "got" me.

Grief is a long, confusing process. It's been almost four years since I lost my mom. It took a long time to sort out the resentments I'd had towards her during adolescence. I feel at peace with her now, like she is with me everywhere I go. The grieving process is horrible on the nerves. I hear songs in public that make me think of her and it's painful keeping in the tears. Sometimes I get angry, and I yell at God. Sometimes I wallow so deep that I don't see myself getting out of my hole.

I take it in stride, though, and I try bringing peace and love to every heart I touch. It's the least I could do in her wake.

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