It has been six months since my mother passed away. It truly changed my life in many ways. these two poems I wrote in response to her passing. Writing these poems helped, and continues ot help me heal.

To mama,

I'm tired of crying silently

bottling my screams and wails into

a jar of sand, that we felt together,

warm under our feet. I will never see my

mother’s eyes again, never kiss her pale cheek.

Never feel her warmth as I cry

my nightmares eating me away.

I'll never be able to bring

live flowers to someone alive

on mother’s day. I regret the words Id say,

regret every hug I'd refuse, regret every argument we had because, it doesn't matter anymore.

I'll never have a mother to show my accomplishments to. We never will get to go on that cruise.

Never get to eat our favorite foods, while watching horror movies on TV.

I'll never ever see my mother again,

I'm alone at night

with memories of bad things that shouldn't've been said, promises to never kill yourself broken,

promises never made. I have no parents since

my mother left. no one to unconditionally love me. She fought for me and fought hard her illness,

but proved too weak. I should've held my tongue that night when I said she needed to leave, I was tired of

fighting her illness for her, but i'd give anything

to make that night not happen. When she took those pills. I miss my mama.

Held me as a baby. I miss my mother who left me once more never to come back.

But i'll be strong for my mother.

Ashes

The ashes of my mother

watered by my grandmother’s

tears, feed my tree I sing

to so it will grow tall,

for me to climb past the

mountains of my ancestors,

the ceilings of my father,

heated by the flames of my memories,

the words of the devil's tongues

shaking the leaves of my tree

reminding me

the sky is no limit,

my roots aren't the only thing holding me up,

I am strong enough to scale the clouds,

loud enough for my voice to be heard,

beautiful enough or my face to be seen,