I would say I had a pretty average high school experience; I didn't absolutely hate it, but I definitely wouldn't consider it the best years of my life. I had my ups and downs, just like any teenager. There were times, such as my high school football games, where I laughed hard and had zero cares; and then there were times when I left my calculus class crying. And now, I'm sitting here, just finishing my first week of college, and I'm reflecting on all these crazy memories. All the times I swore my life was over, all those times I swore I'd be happy forever...I just wish I could go back and tell myself how things turned out. I guess this is my closest option.

Freshmen year. I was scared shit-less, just like everyone else. Overall, it was a pretty good year. I flew under the radar for the most part and met a lot of new life-long friends. But it wasn't perfect. I remember the first time I failed a test. It was in geometry, and I turned in half of it blank. It was the first time I ever failed anything (in middle school, it was nearly impossible to earn a F). I left that class and just sat in lunch, tears in my eyes. I was like, "Oh my god, my mom is going to kill me. I'm gonna fail out of high school." Literally, that one test grade didn't matter. My mom never found out, and obviously, I didn't fail out of high school. But it breaks my heart thinking about how devastated I was. I wish I could go back and tell myself that one grade doesn't define you.

Sophomore year. This year was bittersweet. I definitely stepped out my shell. I started dating my first real high school boyfriend, started "partying"...I was in such a rush to grow up. Looking back now, I feel like I spent that whole year as someone else. Whoever that person was, it wasn't me. I wanted to be older, I wanted to be done with school...I wanted so badly to be cool. None of those people I met that year were authentic - probably because I wasn't either. I wish I could tell myself to slow down. Take it easy. There's no need to try to grow up this quickly; but sixteen year old me probably wouldn't have listened anyways. For so long, I wished I could go back and do this whole year over. Now, I've come to terms with who I was and realized this all was a learning process.

Junior year. This was my make it or break it year, and most of the time, it broke me. Everyone knows this is the toughest year. It was time to start planning for the rest of my life - take SATs, ace all my tests, and start visiting colleges. I hated it all - but a lot of it was my own self making the whole experience miserable. I looked at everything with the glass half-empty perspective. I always thought, "Why does this matter?" I guess I was depressed, unsure, and insecure about my future. However, about half way through the year, I snapped myself out of it. I got my shit together. I realized I needed to start making things happen, instead of just sitting back and hoping for them to. I wanted to tell my junior year self how proud I am of her. She was strong, courageous, and persevered through some pretty tough situations.

Senior year. The end - the light at the end of the tunnel. I actually still can't believe it's over. Senior year was the best year of my life thus far. I was finally comfortable in my own skin. I would talk to anyone and everyone, I loved going out and being social. This was the first time I realized that things are going to be okay for me, that everything that happened before this year didn't matter because I made it. But I wish I could tell myself to enjoy more of it. I think I was so excited for this new chapter that I forgot to take in every moment. It really flew by. And I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

So past Emily, if I could have told you what I knew now, I think we would have been better off; yet, high school taught us so much, so is there anything to truly regret? I don't know. But I'm proud of us...proud of myself. It wasn't easy, in fact, it was hard most of the time, but I did it. And I came out smiling.

That's all that matters.