Dear mom,
Today marks year three. Three years of not having you a phone call or road trip away. Some days are definitely harder than others, but I try to remind myself you are in a much better and happier place. Unfortunately, knowing that doesn't make it any easier. I really try to not be selfish and hate the fact that you are not here anymore. Years have passed, but the need to know why God decided it was your time to go hasn't.
Sometimes I just have moments where the only person I want to talk to is you. I pick up my phone and think who can I call for advice? And you are the only person to come to mind. I end up calling a friend, but let's be honest they tend to be a little biased on certain situations. You were the only unbiased person in my life who I could talk to about anything. I could always rely on your honesty, love, and support.
There are things that have happened in the past few years that you should have been here for. I can only tear up when I think of how happy you would be to have a granddaughter. I know you would absolutely cherish her. You absolutely adored children, so I can't imagine how much you would love and care for Savannah. As crazy as it sounds, sometimes I think God gave me Savannah, since he had other plans for you. You were unexpectedly taken out of my life, and Savannah was unexpectedly brought in to my life. I also want to mention one guy in my life. Unfortunately, you did not get to meet him. You would've loved him almost as much as I do. He is everything I ever could have hoped and dreamed for. Not just in my life, but in Savannah's life as well. I would do about anything for you to get the chance to meet him. If only, heaven wasn't so far away.
I know that you are always watching over me. Sometimes I just know it. I will randomly see an ECMD truck in Grenville, and even Snow Hill, that lets me know that you are right there with me in that moment. Why else would a truck representing a small company you used to work for be passing me in the middle of nowhere? All I can do is smile. During the toughest of times, you are so close, yet so far away.
So for today, I will listen to our favorite songs. The ones we used to dance and sing along to. I will not cry anymore because I know that is not what you would want. Instead, I will appreciate the life that I am living. I will be thankful for getting to spend each and every day with people that I love the most. I will constantly remind myself and others to be grateful for whom they have in their life, because you never know when they may unexpectedly leave this Earth. I know I will see you again one day, but that day can't come quick enough.
I love you to the moon and back.
Love,
Your daughter
