To My Best Friends Who Have Been A Constant In My Life,

I have never been someone who are been able to jump into a group of people and become good friends with everyone. I hung out with a lot of people in high school, but it was almost always in a large group setting and I almost always felt like an outsider because I didn’t have that “best friend relationship” that everyone else seemed to have in the group.

I found that it was better this way. I didn’t want to have a bunch of people rely on me. I didn’t want to always be around that many people. I enjoyed the comapny of this large group a lot. They were amazing people, but other than just hanging around with each other we really didn’t have anything in common.

There have always been a few people that I have been closest with. The ones who I have found similarities with in the deepest roots of our relationship. There have been a few people who have been a constant in my life. A constant that I needed so much because I was on the verge of falling apart for a lot of my teenage life.

You know who you are.

First off, I want to thank you for being friends with me. You let me into your life and I have no idea how I would’ve made it through school without you. I know that at times I can be difficult. I can be stupid. I can date your ex-boyfriend and pretend that I’m not an awful human being for doing it (remember though how shitty that turned out and how much closer we were after it was all over). We won’t always agree on everything and we will probably fight a lot. In fact, we have fought a lot, but here we are now and that’s all that matter.

Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on. It was a lot easier when I lived closer. It was as easy as making a phone call for you to come get me or leaving my bedroom and having you there. You were always there for me. Even when I was crying and upset over the stupidest things. You were my source of reassurance that I was doing everything I could to make things better for myself.

Thank you for holding my hand when things have been rough. High school was hard for me. I was in an awful place. I was plagued with anxiety that sent my body into shakes so bad that I had to go home. You sat with me in the bathroom while I wait for the school nurse who never showed up even though you know you’d get in trouble with your teacher.

Thank you for letting me tell you the same stories over and over again knowing that I just needed to say it because it still hurt me every day. I know you hated this guy so much. I know you hated how upset he made me. I know you hated seeing me cry over someone who was not worth the tears. It was with your belief in me that I was able to move past that and find someone who really loves me. Someone I can picture the rest of my life with.

Thank you for never lying to me. You never once told me what I wanted to hear. Your words were always honest and always brutal. If you hated my boyfriend at the time, you told me. If you thought I was being stupid, you told me. I hated that for a long time, but now I appreciate that you do this for me.

Thank you for opening up to me. I know it can be hard sometimes especially when you don’t know how someone is going to react to what you say. It broke my heart to find out about a lot of things about you, but it only made me want to love you more. And there will be times where I won’t always understand why you have certain opinions, but we don’t always have agree on certain things. Sometimes we do though. Like what chinese restaurant is the best. Or which teachers were the greatest in high school. And who we need to cut out of our lives because of their toxicity.

Thank you for showing up unannounced and taking me away from the house for a little bit. Driving around in the dark with you was always something I looked forward to. I know I complained a lot about it back then, but now I wish we could still do that. Thank you for always letting me have the front seat of your little truck despite the fact I was the smallest person in our group of four that drove around in it.

I haven’t always been the best friend. But neither have you. We aren’t perfect. We are going to tell people awful things about each other, tell people secrets we promised we wouldn’t spread when we were mad at each other. But we will realize after a little bit that we don’t even know why we were fighting in the first place. We will apologize for being stupid and we will be best friends again.

Maybe we won’t be a constant in each other’s lives someday. But until then, know that I love you and appreciate you for everything you have done for me over the years.