I was an innocent sophomore in high school who was still dealing with the loss of my dad. It was February of 2014, I fell head over heels for the boy who had finally noticed me. I spent a good portion of my middle school years trying to get myself noticed by him and somehow, many years later he did in our history class.
When he finally asked me to be his girlfriend, I was over the moon. I finally got the boy that I thought was perfect (insert Taylor Swift songs here).
I wish I could go back and tell 15 almost 16 year old me to avoid you like the plague. tumblr
News flash: he wasn't. I was young and naive, I thought I was happy until I really knew what I was getting myself into.
We were together for a year, but the last six months of the relationship was spent arguing over the stupidest things. He would tell me that I "needed to change" but I still was trying to figure myself out. It wasn't easy learning how to live without my dad. I had to build a new self and I was being constantly told that I wasn't enough, that no one would want me, and for awhile I believed him. I believed the terrible words he was telling me. I would cry myself to sleep as I would rethink the words he would yell at me over the phone. I really felt like I was in my own "White Horse" music video and I really was waiting for my Prince Charming to fix me and see me as the real me. I found him two years later and I haven't been happier.
You, my terrible first heartbreak, might have broken me and I might have had to build myself back up. But I was able to go through my grief without you telling me "that I just needed to get over it" and I was able to find someone who is so good for me. He has made me happier than you ever did. He gets me- he knows when I need my nuggets, he knows that my love for my horses comes first, and he will never make me choose between the two. You tried to isolate me and for awhile it worked. I felt alone and I felt like I had no one because for awhile, you only wanted me to have you.
They say you get three loves in your lifetime. You were one and two. Not everyone gets that terrible mix, but you were, and you destroyed me.
My third (and final) love came into my life in a pizza shop. I knew him my whole life, he lived next to my best friend but we ended up working together. It was unexpected and it was good. He is perfect for me, he has built up the fragments you left behind. You left a broken girl, who was sick and tired of fighting, crying and thinking that she was nothing. He saw a girl who was funny and filled with hope and really terrible jokes but he saw the real her. The her that you couldn't seem to see.
My third love is one of few things I have done right in this almost 21 years of existence. He has showed me what it's like to be treated right. He has given me the world and then some, it is way more than you could ever provide for me.
My happily ever after, came after you and I am so thankful that it did. I'm thankful that I finally stood up for myself and left you even though I was terrified. I was terrified of the fact that you might be right, that no one would want me. It turns out you were so so wrong. I'm glad I got to prove you wrong because I really did believe you. It's not just about proving you wrong, but proving to myself that I am worth it. I am worth so much in life and you thought you could tear me down but I was able to rebuild. I was able to somewhat be my old self again and I was still trying to find it for the longest time. I would runaway from affection from other guys until I met my third love.
My third love, he is mine and I am his. You played me and manipulated me to the point I thought something was actually wrong with me. In reality, nothing was wrong with me, it was all your fault. Even though we both said things to one another that hurt, what you did was so wrong. You may have brought me down, but I rebuilt this empire that is the amazing person that stands here. She learned from her past mistakes, she overcame the words you used to hurt her and she walked away. Of course, she was bruised and scarred but she came out tougher and stronger. You created this boss ass bitch who wouldn't take crap from anyone and she did just that.
So even though you did all of these terrible things, I forgive you. I forgive you because I need to do that so I can move on and so that I can set an example for my future daughter who may come home with a boy like you. Perfect and charming but deep down, he would be a snake waiting for her to be vulnerable like I was, waiting for her to be an easy prey. Manipulative to the point where she might believe the lies that he's putting in her head.
