To My Fellow Survivor,

You did it. You beat it. And I couldn't be more proud of you.

We all have our story, the path we took to get where we are today and every single one is different. I have heard many, but I'd like to share mine with you.

Cancer is often known as the silent killer, the thing you never see coming. My silent killer was discovered about two and a half years ago when I was just a sophomore in high school. In an instant, I went from worrying about my next test to worrying about chemo and its side effects.

I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma, more specifically, Nodular Lymphocyte Predominant Hodgkin's lymphoma, which is commonly found in 30-40-year-old men, both of which I am not. Knowing this brought me humor that I was worried I'd lose.

I went through months of chemo and a terrible drug called Rituximab, specific to the type of Hodgkin's I had, but all it did was cause me more, near unbearable, pain. I hit bumps in the road such as infections, hospital admissions, a blood clot and more, but I kept showing up for my treatments.

About six months later, I was in remission, or in the case of Hodgkin's lymphoma, cured. I never felt OK calling it that because it was as if I might put a jinx on it. My mom, however, loved telling everyone how proud she was of me for fighting hard. In all honesty, I didn't think I was doing any fighting, I was just doing what I had to.

Now that the supposed silent killer is gone, I should be all better and life is completely normal again, right? I should be all smiles because I'm alive, right?

Eh, wrong.

Sure, some people instantly feel like they've been given a second chance and will do everything in their power not to waste it. For me, that couldn't be more different.

For the longest time, I felt that it was a mistake for me to be alive, like I took the place of some other kid. Deep down, I know that I'm alive for a reason, or as my mom says, "God has a plan."

Still, today, I struggle with feeling like it was a mistake and feeling guilty for beating cancer when people I know aren't. The definition of that is survivor's guilt, and that my friends, is what I think the true silent killer is.

Survivor's guilt is real, it can happen to anyone, whether you're a veteran, a cancer survivor or what's considered a normal person. As bad as it seems now, it will get better, maybe not today, tomorrow or next week, but it will. Remember, God only gives us what we can handle.

Sincerely,

A Cancer Survivor