They say that your significant other is supposed to be your best friend. Somehow life/fate/God brings you together and a relationship is formed. You either start off as friends, or date and then become friends. Either way, you spend a lot of time together and get to know the ins and outs of each other. I know that you absolutely love sushi and when you’re concentrating you bite your lip. You know that I can’t stand eating odd numbers of chips or popcorn. As partners, we want to pick up on those little things because it deepens our connections. But sometimes those friendships/relationships come to an end. It can be for a multitude of reasons, but either way everything gets so much harder. We can never figure out the right things to say and we fall away from each other. Well, it’s been some time, so I know what I need to say to you.

You were my best friend. We got to know each other incredibly well and quick, and it’s like it was magic. Everything fell into place. Before I knew it, I knew more about you than I know about some of my closest friends. I confided in you right away because we had such a great connection. I felt so comfortable. I had a feeling that you would never purposefully hurt me and you didn’t. You know more of deepest fears and feelings than my long time best friends. I gave our relationship my all, I gave you my best.

Being such good friends made our break up that much harder. I shared more than I ever have before, I didn’t want to lose that. It’s not that I was afraid that you were going to tell other people my secrets and feelings, I still trust you. It’s that you don’t make that kind of connection with just anyone, it was too special. We both agreed and promised to stay close, but as it normally happens, we didn’t. Now, I’m not pointing fingers and playing the blame game, I’m just stating the facts. I tried to keep us close. I texted you every couple of days (because I never heard from you) and waited to hear back. I never did. After breaking a promise for the first time, I knew that we were only going downhill.

I really did love you too, in large part because you were my best friend. I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone as much as I loved you. The bond we built was so strong. Our relationship was all about respect, trust, honesty, and communication. Despite the distance, it was the relationship every person dreams of. I could not have asked for anything better (besides you being closer).

The combination of losing my other half romantically and friend wise, made me feel lost for weeks and months. I had lost one of the biggest parts of me. My routine changed. There was no more waking up to see a run-down of your day and a quick skype chat while I got ready. Gone were our late night vent sessions where I’d yell, scream, cry, and complain about all of the things that had been going on. I know I have other friends whose shoulders I could cry on, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to share that with you because, as cliché as it might seem, you made me feel a million times better than they ever could.

I missed seeing your face every day. I thought a lot about the sound of your laugh and voice. Every time I got upset, I pictured your forehead scrunched together in concern. Either way, I missed you no matter what time of day and I thought of you often. After you hadn’t messaged me back in weeks, I quit trying to talk to you. That was the hardest part of it. I fought so hard to not message you how much I missed you and wanted to see how you were. I cried every time someone brought up anything to do with you because I wanted you to be in my life so badly. Then one night, I gave in….

And you responded, you admitted you missed me too. But then as we started to talk more, I realized that in that short time span, of course, we had changed a lot. We were different people and even though you said you cared, I could tell you weren’t very sincere. Your actions started talking louder than your words. When I figured it out, I thought I would cry, but I didn’t. I don’t know if I ran out of tears, but they were nowhere to be found. All I could do was sigh. Normally where my heart had been heavy, it was slightly lightened. It just didn’t seem to matter as much. Maybe it was because I had closure, or maybe I just can’t care anymore since I could tell you didn’t. Either way, since that moment, I have started to feel better.

So to my once best friend and now ex, I wish you the best. I truly do. I will always miss what we once had, but I will no longer miss you. If you ever need anything, I will be here for you. Please know that I loved you with all of my heart and I gave it my best. I know you did too.