Dearest Eating Disorder,
I could start this letter with a whole lot of things. I could say "dear eating disorder, I hate you." or "dear eating disorder, you ruined my life." Although I will not start this letter like that at all. Eating Disorder, I am actually thankful that you came into my life.
Eating Disorder, you've done some damage. I have to be honest, you almost killed me, and I survived. You made me lose extreme amounts of weight, and quite honestly there can be times I miss it. It felt like I had company, which is the most sickening part about it. I felt safe with you, but little did I know I was dying. I would hold hands with my boyfriend and bruises would appear on my hands, I couldn't look in the mirror without ridiculing my entire being.
In some ways, though, I am so thankful for you. I am so thankful that I did go through what I did, because I don't think I would be nearly as strong without you. Eating Disorder, you've changed my life, for the better at this current point. I think back to who I was when I was extremely sick, and I think about how far I have come. I am the healthiest weight I have ever been in my entire life as we speak. I go to the gym to stay fit, not the sickening "fit" I used to believe.
You've taught me so much. You taught me that I am capable of being happy and not being my "goal weight" which was a sickening low number. I am happier now than I was when I was at my lowest weight. I don't need you in my life to tell me that my weight is "too much" because I am happy and healthy and I have people who love me.
Eating Disorder, you don't control me. You never will again. I am so much stronger than you. Being X amount of pounds is not worth being hospitalized, or even dying. There is so much life in me, and I think back to when I was at my lowest and not being a person. I was just a skeleton because I let you take over.
You've taught me that realistically, you're just a concept. I don't hate you, you didn't ruin my life either. You taught me how to be strong.
