I remember the first time someone pointed out my dark skin was my doctor. It was my first time meeting with her since my previous doctors were too far from my Folsom home or weren't very nice to my parents. So my mom scheduled an appointment for me down the block from our home. When I met my doctor, she was very nice and we talked about anything but my skincare because I had too many pimples (TMI I know). As my doctor looked through a pile of paper on her clipboard, she looked at me,

"So are you...Filipino?"

I awkwardly answered, "No, I'm half Korean and half Chinese."

"Oh, I thought you were Filipino because how dark your skin is."

I mean...

After that, she wasn't the only one who made that comment about my skin color. I had been told I looked like a Latinx girl or Chinese because how dark my skin was. Honestly, I laughed. I didn't think about my tanned skin being a center of my identity. I wasn't sure if being a dark-skinned Asian was a thing, or a struggle. I had friends who have tanned skin and similar shade as mine. However, as I've gotten older I learned the hard way that being a tanned/dark skin Asian can be difficult. In a country like South Korea, pale white skin is considered to be the ideal beauty, especially for women. In Asian culture, people with pale, white skin are considered to be high class or royalty while people with dark, tanned skin are categorized as poor, dirty and low-class peasants. Fast forward to today where K-Pop is booming and so does colorism.

According to Gaya of Seoulbeats, while many Korean singers with dark skin such as veteran singer Lee Hyori, Hyorin of girl group Sistar, N of boy group VIXX, and Kai of EXO, have achieved success in music. "For all the progress that may have been made in diversifying the “beautiful” shades of skin colour, the lighter side of the spectrum is still widely favoured" (Gaya). Back around 2013, EXO's company SM Entertainment released a set of cartoons that was supposed to resemble each member of the famous boy group on Instagram. However, many fans, especially international, noticed how dark Kai and his former member Tao looked. They criticized the company for mocking and looking down on the boys because of their skin color.

Kai and many other Korean stars have been teased about their dark skin. Many of their members have made fun of how their skin is so dark that it blends in with the dark or their dark clothes.

Looking at the singers and the way they teased their members' skin really impacted my perspective on mine. Most fan-taken photos of the dark--skinned singers were satirized with whiter skin when they are naturally tan. Even though my experience with colorism was slightly mild, I still have doubts. For a moment, I felt a certain uneasiness if someone would have that way of thinking and would never consider me attractive.

However, I told myself, "No, I am beautiful."

I may not fit to the Asian ideal beauty with milky, white skin. I am comfortable with my skin color. Back then, I didn't think about it because it wasn't a big deal to me. Now I acknowledge my tan skin and proud of it.

And I'm not alone.

Kai has mentioned how much he loves his skin in various radio interviews. Girl group Laboum member Solbin when she spoke about how she wished she was a little paler to be more confident in her beauty. Instead of nodding and moving on to a new topic, her members complimented that her tan skin makes her more attractive.

My dark, tan skin is part of my identity. I don't really need someone to photoshop my skin to look lighter or wishing myself I was paler like other folks. My dark skin is my ideal beauty.

To my dark skin: you make me feel beautiful. I don't care about other people's beauty standards, especially Korean preferred beauty. I don't get angry at people for mistaking me as a different race (I still find that hilarious). Why? You are part of who I am. Dark, tan skin is, and will always be, beautiful.