Dear You,

I miss you every day, and I think of things I'd love to tell you every day. There are so many times I type out these huge, intricate messages to you, just to overthink it and delete it. Not that sending them would really change anything. I'd never see a response even if I could send them, and I have to live with that. Heaven doesn't do too many long distance calls.

You gave me some of the greatest memories, and I will always be appreciative of that. Your part in my life helped me become the person I am today. You helped me blossom and change myself for the better, and the worse. You taught me some bad habits (like swearing and your mama jokes), but you also taught me some really good ones (like to never get attached to a guy before my friends have thoroughly interrogated him). You were practically my brother, and I looked up to you for just about everything. The day I met you was one of the greatest days of my life, and the day I lost you was definitely the worst.

Losing you changed everything. I can't listen to some seriously great music without crying now, because it reminds me of you. Every time I hear your name, I get so depressed I just wanna crawl in bed and eat Oreos (and sometimes I do). The month of October is bittersweet at best, because I think of your birthday and our favorite holiday. You were my best friend, and losing you sucked because you understood everything I was going through better than anyone. We were in it together. If life got bad, we had each other.

I still wake up every morning expecting a text from you saying this was all one big, elaborate prank. But it's never there, because you're really gone. I knew I'd have to deal with losing friends eventually, I just didn't know it'd be at seventeen. I still have nightmares about it. All these young kids saying goodbye to a kid they all worshipped, having to face the harsh reality of life so early on. I know I'm not the only one who was more than a little messed up by that.

I'm sorry I wasn't better for you. I'm sorry we fought. I'm sorry I probably was one of the worst best friends ever, and I hope you know how much I genuinely loved you. I'm so sorry we were fighting. I'm so sorry I didn't apologize. I was stubborn, and dumb, and thought I had more time. I just really hope you know I loved you, and I would have done just about anything for you. You were family.

So, I hope you're up in Heaven watching over me, and I hope you're gonna be there at the gates when I join you, because boy, I've got so much to tell you when I get there.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Misses You