To the friends who left me without saying goodbye…

You wrecked me. I lost myself. My self-esteem has never been this low. I blame you but I forgive you.

You abandoned me. I was at my most vulnerable state. I never thought junior and senior year would be so strenuous. So depressing. So lonely. I was empty. I forgive you. It's taking a long time but I'm getting there. I'm finding my way back to the old Zaria.

The Zaria who would laugh every day. The Zaria who was incapable of having random moments of sadness.

I lost weight. I barely ate. My skirt refused to sit on my hips. You all saw me like this. You didn't care. You ignored me as if I didn't exist. As if I were a ghost. As if we were never friends. As if we didn't build memories together.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being enough for you and for not understanding your pain. I now know how it feels. It's throbbing.

Don't feel sorry for me. You left me but for the "better". Taught me how to be independent, to think for myself.

You left me with both good and bad memories. The memories I had with you were the best memories ever. Till this day they stick with me. But now they only make me sad.

I haven't had a group of close friends ever since you left. I go to my room alone. Every night with the lingering memories of us.

I'm mad at you. But I still have pictures of us hanging on my wall. Why can't I let them go? Why can't I let us go? You guys were all I had.

It's been five years. Five years since we lost our "spark". Four years since you decided I wasn't worth your time. Three years since we went our separate ways. Two years since I began to lose my self-worth. One year since I began to forgive you.

That's a long time and I still miss you - regardless of the anger I have toward you. I miss our laughs. Our dinners. Our sleepovers. Our jokes.

I thank you anyway. Thank you for letting me reflect. Thank you for allowing me to start fresh. Thank you for making space for self-growth.

I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy for you. I'm so thankful for you and the role you had in my life. You've added great value and purpose to my life that I thought I would never find. All because you left me.

I hope you're doing well.