You probably don't see anything wrong with your actions. You're probably "just doing it out of love". You don't mean anything by it, just trying to teach them a lesson. They should be able to take it since it's only a few hits, right?
Wrong. What the hell is wrong with you? You should be the one encouraging them, loving them, cherishing them. You should be the one they're coming to when they're running away and afraid of something, yet you're what they're afraid of and running from.
You keep putting them through hell and they keep calling it love. Maybe they're good for your ego. Or maybe they make you feel better about your sorry life. Or maybe you just can't bear the thought of being alone. Whatever the reason, you don't love them. You can't claim to love someone you want to use as nothing more than your personal human punching bag. You don't destroy the people you love. Love shouldn't hurt.
You can't say that you "suffer from anger management problems". You don't. You manage it just fine whenever you're around other people in public. You only seem to struggle to manage them when it's just the two of you.
You'll probably never understand the pain you've put them through. You'll probably never know what it's like to be staring at yourself in the mirror with tears streaming down your face begging yourself to hold on. You'll probably never know what it's like to be so low that you don't know who you are anymore. You'll probably never know what it's like to be walking on eggshells every day just because of one person. You'll probably never know what it feels like to be the victim.
What is the appeal of making the person you "love" feel like nothing? To hurting them either physically, emotionally, or both? Why apologize then repeat the cycle over and over again? I just don't get it.
I don't understand how you can go to sleep at night and be okay with yourself knowing you emotionally/physically destroyed someone who only ever wanted to love and cherish you.
You are a weak individual who needs to crush another human being in order to feel powerful.
I hope they leave you. I hope they realize they deserve so much more than you as a significant other. I hope they realize there is someone out there who wants to actually love them and not your sick and twisted idea of love. I hope they realize exactly what kind of person you are and that there's no safe way to stay in a relationship with someone who has no conscience about hurting someone the way you hurt them.
For some people, the monster isn't in their closet or under their bed, the monster is someone like you.
