I don't know why you acted the way you did. I have no idea how I could've provoked you so much into making me feel like so much less of a person. I thought we could be friends. I thought we could hang out like normal friends do.
But we weren't normal friends.
You made me feel so vulnerable and not in a good way. I felt like I had to let you do whatever you wanted so you could express yourself. All I ever wanted was for you to be yourself with me.
I really thought we were friends.
The first time we hung out alone was fun, even nice. So, it was a no-brainer that I wanted to hang out with you again. The second time was a lot more personal, but it was still fine.
Now I wish I would have seen the red flags. That I would've paid attention to the little caution signs in my mind. That I would've been more guarded when you were around... but we were friends.
You tried to force my love.
It was like you needed me to be someone I wasn't. I tried to be that person, I really did.
The marks your mouth left all over my body will never compare to the wounds your words caused. The bruises will continue to heal but I will always think about how awful you made me feel.
You said we were friends. That you liked my personality, you liked how easy it was to talk to me, you liked how honest I was. You were grateful that I was in your life, that I was your friend.
I tried to like you the way you needed me to, I really did. I know you weren't really "my type" but you were funny and understanding. You always asked me so many questions about myself, you tried to get to know me, and I was so thankful for that.
But when you started to use all my answers as weapons when we would disagree, I realized I had made the wrong choice. I told you when you hurt my feelings or said something uncalled for. You would apologize but then days later it would happen again.
Was it me?
Did I do something to upset you?
It's like a switch flipped and you went crazy. After you belittled me I realized I didn't deserve any of it. I blocked you from everything. But that didn't stop you, now did it. You would call me from unknown numbers and would have your friends message me on social media.
I just wanted it all to stop. But obviously, that wasn't going to happen. After having you completely blocked for three days I decided to unblock your number. I figured it couldn't hurt since I kept telling you I wasn't going to unblock you. How would you even know you were unblocked?
I don't know how you knew, but you knew.
I let you apologize.
And a small part of me actually believed you. I shouldn't have, but I did. It happened again. Calling me names is absolutely ridiculous. I have honestly never experienced or dealt with anyone like this, I didn't really know how to handle it.
When I told you I just needed some time to think you freaked out, again. I realized you removed me from all social media. That was fine, you needed space, I get it. I just don't know why you didn't see that that's all I needed from the beginning. I just wanted to be friends. I needed a friend.
I don't know why you treated me like this.
Why you're still treating me like this. I keep thinking it's me and I'll probably think that way for a long long time. But I hope you're doing well and I hope you find someone who can care for you in all the ways I couldn't.
