'To All The Boys I've Loved Before' Is A Love Letter To Those Afraid Of Love

'To All The Boys I've Loved Before' Is A Love Letter To Those Afraid Of Love

While this romantic comedy is special in many ways, I saw it as an acknowledgment that not everyone can be fearless when it comes to love.

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About two weeks ago, Netflix came out with a new original movie called "To All the Boys I've Loved Before". This romantic comedy spoke volumes and updated the world on how dating has evolved.

Sure, not everyone fakes a relationship to avoid the suspicion that you're interested in your best friend.

However, dating has become more difficult as social media and the lack of face-to-face communication have engulfed this new generation. Lara Jean's arch-nemesis, Gen, can't even directly tell her why she hates Lara Jean. She dances around a face-to-face confrontation most of the time, other than the occasional snide remark. If she released the video from the ski trip, she did that socially and did not confront Lara Jean to confess the extent of her anger until the end.

To continue, there is a clear distinction between Lara Jean and other rom-com protagonists. She has a genuine fear of falling in love, stemming from her short-lived love for her mom.

She even tells Peter Kavinksy that she's fearful of falling in love. She's enamored with the thought of it and writing about it, but she has the fear that if she lets someone in, they could walk right out. I can honestly say that's what holds me back most of the time, so this movie (and book) really resonates with me in the simple fact that it's OK to be scared to love. However, you shouldn't live behind novels and rom-coms. You should try to tell people how you feel and not miss that chance.

There's also an underlying fear of rejection beneath that fear of being in love. Someone walking out is a valid description of rejection. You can turn away from people without a word or ghost someone (which I'd never recommend) or even just outright say that you don't feel the same way. If that's the case, you don't want to waste your time. So you're constantly just waiting around for someone on a white horse to come around that you're sure of.

While you don't want to waste your time, you can't live in fear.

Also, I want to touch on something that Lara Jean said about Peter: That if she doesn't admit the relationship was real then she didn't truly lose someone. Sure, they had the stipulation that their relationship started fakely, but if the relationship is emotional, physical, and everything in between, it's still real to someone–whether it's you or them. Those are still feelings. It was a real thing and you shouldn't ignore that or you'll regret it.

Not many rom-coms touch on the fear associated with making the leap into a relationship or the pain of loving someone from a distance. This hits the mark for most introverts or half-breeds. This movie told their anxious and fearful audience, "We hear you."

"To All The Boys I've Loved Before," while exposing letters to crushes, is a letter to those who are afraid to love. It's reassuring to know that you're not alone. Hell, I felt on top of the world after that movie. I felt like I was heard and someone finally understood why I'll swipe right for people on Tinder and not speak to them. While real love stemming from Tinder is rare, it's what today's generation uses to communicate romantically anymore. Since then, I've ceased to use it, but that's why I've been alone so long. I just get fearful to tell people because I don't think they'll stay if they feel the same.

Lara Jean is one of the protagonists in any film or novel that I think I can relate to the most. I'm a Lara Jean.

And to all you other Lara Jeans out there, hang in there. Be brave. And don't be afraid to love.

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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We Spend So Much Time Talking About How Much Men Suck In 2019, That We Forget Girls Are Just As Bad

I always talk about how awful guys can be, but let's take a second to talk about how awful my own sex can be, too.

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In our culture, we tend to place all the blame on guys in most relationships by saying how "all men suck" but what about girls?

Girls can be just as bad.

I'm constantly saying how bad guys can be but yet I never stop to analyze things I've done that weren't okay or things my fellow female friends have done that was awful.

I'm not innocent either, I've done some terrible things to really nice guys in my life.

There was one man in my life that genuinely cared for me and wanted to date me but I didn't feel the same at all and lead him on. I honestly didn't think I was leading him on at first but the minute I realized it I tried to nicely let him down. To this day I feel awful about it because I hurt him the way many other guys in my life have hurt me.

I tend to defend my own gender a lot in conversations and I now understand that I really shouldn't. I've seen so many of my female friends treat great guys terribly and have ignored it for so long because I want to believe that females can't be that awful. I was wrong.

I've had some of my best guy friends get treated like absolute garbage by girls that wanted to just party and partake in the hookup culture rather than be with a great guy. I don't get it.

If you have a great man that you're attracted to and loves you unconditionally why would you want to throw it away to chase after boys that won't remember your name the next day?

I've had to keep secrets for friends before that ate me up inside. I had a friend who cheated on her boyfriend by kissing another man in front of me and kept it quiet.

It is NEVER okay to do that to someone, especially a guy that truly cares about you.

It is NOT OK to be on dating apps while dating someone. If you are dating someone, you're exclusive. There is no need to continue talking to men that obviously don't want to just be your friend. There is no good excuse and if you have to try and justify it to yourself, then it's probably not a good idea.

I honestly made myself believe that females didn't play the games men play with our hearts, but we can be just as bad if not worse than a lot of men.

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