To All My Fellow People Pleasers

To All My Fellow People Pleasers

It's time to make a change.
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I've spent almost all of my 18 years putting others' happiness before my own. Whether it was instilled in me out of the womb, or due to my social anxiety, I have always valued the opinion of others greater than my own. I never recognized this flaw until now, and never truly considered it a flaw. I'm not here to brag about being a "giving person" who has a "heart too big for this world". I just simply spend more time making sure that my friends and family and those close to me are satisfied before I consider how I personally feel.

I can distinctly remember compromising my own beliefs and acting entirely out of character at a young age to try and please those around me. I would throw away my own opinion as to not step on the toes of an outspoken friend. I'd always make sure I was doing good in school so my parents could be proud of me and never wanted to be a "problem child". If someone was talking poorly of another I would agree just to avoid confrontation, which only created more confrontation. I would so often apologize for things I realize now needed no apology for.

We all learn new things when placed in a new environment or sometimes just have an instantaneous moment of realization. After being pent up in my house for a few days after a tonsillectomy and being in somewhat of isolation, I had my realization. I am entirely capable of making myself happy. I don't need to spend time going out of my away to appease others to make sure I am happy. I can be happy all on my own.

This was something I never truly knew I could do until this year. After my first year of college, a lot has changed. I have changed. Friendships have changed. My life has changed. Change used to scare the heck out of me, but now I embrace it with open arms. I'm done spending every day anxious about what I might have done wrong to ruin a friendship or upset someone else. That's changed.

Life is way too short to spend your own valuable time trying to consistently reach out to people and make sure they know they're valued when they don't reciprocate the same value for your friendship. If someone doesn't want to be in your life, let them leave. Don't hang on to loose ends and what ifs and broken promises and false affections. Stop consuming yourself with the opinion of others and harboring on negative energy. It's time to prioritize yourself, weird concept I know.

One of the biggest changes I've made just this past week is spending an hour a day without my phone. I hide it from myself somewhere I won't remember, which makes looking for it interesting. This helps me stay off of social media which helps keep my mind off of seeing things that will send my mind into a downward spiral of "why wasn't I invited?" "what did I wrong?" "do I need to reach out and be a better friend?" The answer to all of those is a no.

I found a quote when scrolling through Pinterest one day and it has repeated in my mind ever since. "Invest in the people who invest in you." This simply means be the truest, best version of you for the people who show they care for you. The ones who reach out to you on a bad day. The ones who will send a random text even if you haven't talked in weeks just to remind you they're there. The ones who show a valiant effort to help make you a better person. The true friends in your life.

So to all my fellow people pleasers out there, STOP.

It's time to focus on making someone else happy, YOU.

Cover Image Credit: Now Here This

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black and white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble; and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time, until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling; whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die," or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you, you are not alone.

If you're thinking about hurting yourself please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionhotline.org to live chat with someone. Help it out there and you are not alone.


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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If You Need A Pep Talk, Remind Yourself Of These 9 Things Today

We all need a pep talk sometimes.

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My spirit animal for stress is honestly any character that just screams when they are freaking out, what a mood. College can have you feeling helpless but remember these and maybe you won't feel so bad.

1. At least you aren’t on TV

Think about it. Many TV characters royally screw up their lives continuously and I know when I watch, I am always cringing. Most of the time, I even have better solutions for that character and it makes me feel level-headed.

2. Even in sweats, you’re still best dressed

Some of the celebrities wear these crazy outfits that are not flattering or cute whatsoever. Wear your sweats and bare face with confidence, cause I would rather be dressed down than dressed in a giant meat suit. Love you though, Gaga.

3. If you’re forgetting things, it’s OK!

WE WERE ON A BREAK. Ross says it best, we had a month off of school, it’s only natural that we forget some of the stuff we learned last semester. All you can do now is review and try your best.

4. Your dog will always love you

No matter what happens, your dog will always be so excited to see you when you come home.

5. You’ll get your degree

It may seem nearly impossible now, but you can do it. Some of the best things in life take time and patience, with a little hard work added in.

6. Leslie Knope 

If you’re ever feeling bad just watch the first episode where Leslie falls into the pit and remember that at least you didn’t have to do that.

7. Your bed

After a long, hard day, your bed will always welcome you back with warm open arms. Once you climb in, all of your troubles go away.

8. Keep it neutral

Anytime my mind tells me “this is terrible and I don't know how things could get better," I always tell myself, yes, things could be better, but they could also be so much worse.

9. God has your back 

Through every situation, trial, and tribulation, God is always there silently watching his plan unfold. He gives his strongest warriors the scariest battles, for He knows they will conquer.

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