To All My Fellow People Pleasers

To All My Fellow People Pleasers

It's time to make a change.
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I've spent almost all of my 18 years putting others' happiness before my own. Whether it was instilled in me out of the womb, or due to my social anxiety, I have always valued the opinion of others greater than my own. I never recognized this flaw until now, and never truly considered it a flaw. I'm not here to brag about being a "giving person" who has a "heart too big for this world". I just simply spend more time making sure that my friends and family and those close to me are satisfied before I consider how I personally feel.

I can distinctly remember compromising my own beliefs and acting entirely out of character at a young age to try and please those around me. I would throw away my own opinion as to not step on the toes of an outspoken friend. I'd always make sure I was doing good in school so my parents could be proud of me and never wanted to be a "problem child". If someone was talking poorly of another I would agree just to avoid confrontation, which only created more confrontation. I would so often apologize for things I realize now needed no apology for.

We all learn new things when placed in a new environment or sometimes just have an instantaneous moment of realization. After being pent up in my house for a few days after a tonsillectomy and being in somewhat of isolation, I had my realization. I am entirely capable of making myself happy. I don't need to spend time going out of my away to appease others to make sure I am happy. I can be happy all on my own.

This was something I never truly knew I could do until this year. After my first year of college, a lot has changed. I have changed. Friendships have changed. My life has changed. Change used to scare the heck out of me, but now I embrace it with open arms. I'm done spending every day anxious about what I might have done wrong to ruin a friendship or upset someone else. That's changed.

Life is way too short to spend your own valuable time trying to consistently reach out to people and make sure they know they're valued when they don't reciprocate the same value for your friendship. If someone doesn't want to be in your life, let them leave. Don't hang on to loose ends and what ifs and broken promises and false affections. Stop consuming yourself with the opinion of others and harboring on negative energy. It's time to prioritize yourself, weird concept I know.

One of the biggest changes I've made just this past week is spending an hour a day without my phone. I hide it from myself somewhere I won't remember, which makes looking for it interesting. This helps me stay off of social media which helps keep my mind off of seeing things that will send my mind into a downward spiral of "why wasn't I invited?" "what did I wrong?" "do I need to reach out and be a better friend?" The answer to all of those is a no.

I found a quote when scrolling through Pinterest one day and it has repeated in my mind ever since. "Invest in the people who invest in you." This simply means be the truest, best version of you for the people who show they care for you. The ones who reach out to you on a bad day. The ones who will send a random text even if you haven't talked in weeks just to remind you they're there. The ones who show a valiant effort to help make you a better person. The true friends in your life.

So to all my fellow people pleasers out there, STOP.

It's time to focus on making someone else happy, YOU.

Cover Image Credit: Now Here This

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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I Went From Losing Weight To Lifting Weights, And Now I'm In The Best Shape Of My Life

How a change in my fitness goals changed my life.

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I am in the best shape of my life...or at least I think so, and that's what truly matters.

I look in the mirror and feel confident.

I finally feel comfortable wearing crop tops, and I'm even starting to show visible abs. But getting here has been such a difficult journey filled with eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and other physical and mental struggles that hindered my ability to achieve my goals.

I have been on this health and fitness journey for many, many years now. I've been a size 00, a size 12, and every size in between.

Through it all, I have learned so much about myself, as well as fitness and nutrition in general. My biggest takeaway that led me to overcome all these obstacles was learning to let go of my perfectionism. When I'm old, I don't want to look back on my life and realize that I spent it all trying to lose weight. So, I changed my mindset.

My new focus was to be as strong as possible—to lift the heaviest weights, rather than losing the most weight. If you too, want to be in the best shape of your life but have struggled for so long, read my tips below.

1. EAT MORE

I know, it sounds crazy. As women, we are constantly told about diets and cutting calories. If you just want to be skinny, you can do that. But if you want to be strong, you need to eat to be able to put on the muscle.

2. ALLOW YOURSELF TO HAVE CHEAT MEALS

If you have struggled with eating disorders like me, satisfying your cravings will prevent you from having major setbacks.

3. LIFT WEIGHTS

Get your butt off that elliptical and into the weight room.

4. DON'T WORKOUT EVERY DAY

Again, especially if you want to build muscle, you need rest days. These are the days where your muscles are "actually" growing.

5. DON'T RUSH IT

You will not see abs overnight. It takes a long time. But if you want sustainable results, you must treat your body right.

I hope these tips are helpful. With positivity and patience, you can achieve anything.

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