As a Christian, it can be easy to find yourself desiring a true and righteous Godliness, spurred on by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and to end up doing amazing (sometimes even miraculous) things for the Kingdom of God. Too many of us are faithful to attend church, bold in proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ and always striving to run the race marked out for us. Now, even though it is completely Biblical to want to see God's Kingdom come on this earth, and to pray for that whenever you pray, we all know that the Kingdom just gets in the way! It's so important and eternal, it gives hardly any room for what really matters in life - worldly pleasures of the flesh. With that in mind, here are 20 easy-to-apply ways you can avoid furthering God's Kingdom on this earth.
1. Do your best to ignore what the Holy Spirit is telling you.
He probably speaks to you all the time through Scripture, Godly counsel and your very spirit, but thankfully, you usually manage to ignore Him, so you wouldn't know.
2. Speaking of which, never read the Bible.
It's a holy, life-transforming, truth-revealing piece of work. If you have to live near one for some reason, keep it tucked safe away on the shelf.
3. Stay grounded in fear.
This one is especially important if you're bad at number one. Thankfully, America has tons of culturally accepted fears - spiders, strangers, speaking in public - that give you an easy excuse out of anything the Holy Spirit asks you to do.
4. Ignore the Great Commission.
You know the one, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." Yeah, think of it more like the "Great Suggestion".
5. Love money.
This one is really easy to do these days. Just pretend that your love of money is vaguely in service of the Christian church, and tell people financial success is God's blessing on your life! Other Christians will let you get away with it for sure.
6. Have exclusively very shallow relationships.
That way, when you are chasing after the things of this world, nobody will call you out on it. And vice versa for your "friends", too.
6. Have lots of sex with lots of people.
Ideally, with both men and women. You wouldn't want other people to see the Good News of Jesus Christ portrayed in your sexual choices. No, sex is intended only for you to enjoy, however you want it, whenever you want it.
Oh, and watch more porn! You don't want to miss out on the best new videos out there!
6. Distract yourself from topics like death, life-after-death, Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, His resurrection, etc.
...basically anything that might motivate you to make eternally-minded choices.
9. Pretend that the spiritual gifts are a thing of the past.
And make sure other people think so, as well. Wouldn't want you or anyone else to "Pursue love, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts, especially that you may prophesy", as Paul recommends in 1 Corinthians 14. Isn't Paul the worst?
10. Ignore other spiritual realities, too.
Angels, demons, the warfare that is going on all around us. You know, anything that would keep your mind from the physical pleasures you ought to focus on.
11. Ask nobody for help.
You are doing just fine on your own. And even if you aren't, it's always better to tackle your daily problems head on and by yourself. Never ask the Church to get involved. Never ask wise older Christians for advice or intervention. If they did help, you might find yourself with free time you could use to further the Kingdom of God!
12. Have a really low opinion of yourself.
Insecurities and a willingness to dishonor your own body (e.g. drinking, smoking, etc.) are surefire ways to keep from accidentally acknowledging the creative power and majesty of God in creating you.
13. Have a really low opinion of others.
God loves all people, and tells us to love our enemies. How ridiculous! Does He even hear what He's saying? It's okay to like your specific in-group, of course, but never show any kindness towards any other ethnic, religious, or ideological group. You're above that.
14. Never pray.
It's unbelievably incredible that the Creator and Savior of the Universe wants us to come before Him and talk with Him, even to the point of saying He loves us and wants be our Father, Friend, and Comforter. Ignore Him completely.
15. When you have to pray, treat God like a thing, not a Person.
Sometimes you're picked to pray at the obligatory youth group event you attend every other month because your parents want to. In these cases, say the magic words ("Give us a good rest of our day, and bless this food, amen") and maybe ask for a few things. Definitely don't acknowledge God's personhood or relationality. You might start liking Him that way.
16. Avoid things that bring glory to God.
This includes worshiping Him, loving others, helping the poor and needy, being kind to the orphan and the widow, and telling others about Jesus. These are all super-glorifying and practically guarantee a furthering of God's perfect Kingdom.
17. Which reminds me, don't even think about your testimony.
Now, I'm writing to Christians, so I know you must have a testimony. We all have a story of what God has done in our lives, and as Christians, that includes salvation from our completely deserved eternal damnation through the death of Jesus Christ, God's Son, on the cross, and His miraculous resurrection and free offer of eternal salvation to us all. Don't talk about that with other people, or about anything God has done for you. Just try not to think about it.
18. Re-think who Jesus was so that He reminds you mostly of yourself.
Are you racist? Sexist? Otherwise hateful? Do you have opinions on abortion, the definition of marriage, gender roles, or politics that more closely resemble your culture's ideas than Scripture's teachings? Thankfully, if you read a small enough portion of the Bible, it says exactly what you want it to! And even if the triune God's book for humanity is really obvious on some things, there's always the old "Jesus never talked about it, so He must think [whatever I think]" line that works really well!
Nobody likes to feel challenged or uncomfortable because of their faith, so just re-write it.
19. Don't repent for things.
You prayed that one vague sinner's prayer way back when you became a Christian, right? So yeah, repenting to God for your sins is totally redundant. Plus, it would probably bring you freedom and joy to know and live in God's forgiveness. You don't want that. No, instead, condemn yourself, and hold on to the guilt that Jesus' death can set you free from. You're a better judge of what punishment you deserve, after all, than our merciful God.
20. Show neither forgiveness nor love to others.
This is easier if you've been following #19, but even if you haven't, it isn't that hard anyway. Whenever anyone does anything remotely negative towards you, become bitter and angry at them. Sure, it hurts you more than them to spend all your energy on resenting them, but at least they do not get to experience the beauty and God-glorifying peace of being forgiven.
Even if others have been great to you, just avoid giving them food, shelter, clothing, or any other show of love. Simple.
Thanks for reading this list of ways to keep yourself away from the front lines of God's advancing Kingdom! If you have any other suggestions, definitely share this article and write "21. ____" so that other people can also stay out of the good fight!
