As socially oriented creatures, meeting new people will be a lifelong challenge for all of us. For some, meeting a stranger is an opportunity to make a new friend. For the rest of us, it is a chance to embarrass ourselves or derail a potential friendship. In either case, below are a few basic precautions and tips that anyone can use in order to maximize their chance at getting on someone's good side.
As a side note, this is not a guide on how to make friends. I'm not a wizard. These are just basic social guidelines to help you get started.
1. Personal appearance
Most people will have already formed their first impression of you within seconds of seeing you. Your features, dress, posture--everything has already been processed. How you dress and look is part of who you are, and I suggest you let people take or leave you exactly as you choose to present yourself, with one exception. The power of good hygiene is vastly underestimated. Never doubt the value of showering regularly, brushing your teeth, and looking as if you care about how you look. People are easily influence by initial surface impressions, if you look decent and smell nice (not overwhelming-cologne nice, just straight-out-of-the-shower nice), people will gravitate towards you. As opposed to drifting away on a cloud of morning breath.
2. Greetings and salutations
On the subject of the shallowness of humankind, here is a solid tip for when you say hi to someone. When you first assess someone (you can't help it, it's basic biology), if there is something about their outfit that you like, tell them. Now, it is important to compliment only their style. That means clothing, jewelry, or the way they did their hair. If you compliment their muscle tone, facial features, or any other body part, the very best you can hope for is that they think you're trying to seduce them. More likely they'll just think you're creepy. But if you compliment something they chose to put on that day, like an earring or funny shirt, you are simultaneously complimenting their appearance and validating a choice they made. This double-compliment appeals almost universally to people, as long as they think it sincere.
Note, if you don't see anything you think worth complimenting, then don't say anything. It's better to be silent than fake.
3. Personal space
This one's pretty simple: Respect people's personal space and respect that some people are touchy-feely by nature. Don't touch someone unless invited to, (you can offer a handshake or a hug, but don't force it on someone). But if you do not like being touched and that person is in your space, try to be patient with them, because they probably don't know how uncomfortable it makes you. If they don't ease up, it is important to tell them (gently) that you would prefer to have solid personal boundaries. Do this soon, before it becomes as issue, but don't blame that person for breaking those boundaries, because they couldn't have known before you told them. (Unless it's something that could be construed as sexual harassment, that is something they should already know is unacceptable, and you are under no obligation to tolerate sexual harassment from anyone).
4. Conversation
This breaks down into three different categories, how to listen, what they say, and what you say. I advocate letting other people talk as much as you can. People generally like to talk about themselves. If they don't like talking, it will become obvious and you can fill in the gaps in conversation then.
When someone else is talking, actually listen to them. This might seem obvious, but it is amazing how many of us (myself included) are terrible listeners. Being a good listener is more than hearing the words they say. A good listener makes eye contact, asks clarifying questions and stays off their phone whenever the other person is talking. (Most people are understanding when the other person is on their phone, but it really is a good feeling when the other person is so engaged with you that they lose interest in their phone).
Sometimes people have opinions that you think are ridiculous. Or say things that you find incomprehensibly stupid. You do not have to respect something that is wrong-headed or stupid, but it is a good idea to try and understand why that person thinks the way they do. Maybe they know something you don't, or maybe you know something they don't. In either case, this is a chance for growth, but there won't be any growth if you disregard what they say out of hand.
Finally when you're talking, I would just caution you to know your material. For example, are you actually funny, or do you just think you're funny? (Get feedback from people you trust on this one). Are the things you're talking about interesting to everyone or just to you? Gauge their facial expression while you talk, and if they don't seem engaged, you can always change the subject and save your vast repository of knowledge for someone with a more inquisitive mindset.
5. Not everyone is going to like you, be yourself anyway.
I cannot stress this one enough. No one is universally liked, and no one is universally likable. If someone dislikes you, that does not demean you in any way. You do not need everyone to think you're the greatest in order to be great. That being said, be yourself when meeting new people, not who you think they would like you to be. This is important for two reasons. One, it is exhausting and often painful keeping up a façade, and you'll start resenting the person for it. Secondly, people really appreciate integrity. There are two kinds of integrity: Moral integrity, which is always doing the right thing, even when no one is watching, and honest integrity, which is always being the same person, no matter who you are with. Both kinds are admired. So be yourself and don't stress about trying to make people like you. Because when you find the people who like you for who you really are, that's when you know you've found something of true value.
