This is a struggle that most Americans face on a daily basis. Should I fart? Have no fear, I am here to help you.
We have all had those days where pizza seemed like a good idea for lunch, and then the afternoon comes and there is some build up in your stomach and you have no other option but to let your fart fly. Here are some tips to help you keep your flatulence on the down low.
1. Walk away.
If you are standing in a group of people, just walk away. You can all of a sudden think that the light post on the corner is so interesting that you need to physically walk over and take a look. This also works if you are walking in a group, because if your farts are silent, you and the group are walking away so no one will know.
2. Use your chair.
If you sit down hard enough, you can make a loud enough noise to conceal your fart. This can also work if you push out your chair very loudly because the noise from the chair is concealing the noise of the fart.
If you tighten your glutes you can easily cover your fart. This is by far one of the toughest tips to perfect, however. You need major strength and butt endurance for this. If you hold on for long enough, your fart will weaken and will be pretty much silent.
Counteract the smell of your fart with something that smells good. Like perfume, or deodorant. If you put this on whilst your fart is in the air, then people are less likely to notice your fart. Also, hand sanitizer works in this case.
5. The blame game.
You can always blame the person next to you, or blame a total stranger. Try to be near an old person when you fart because they are the most reasonable to blame in that situation.
You're welcome for these tips, and I hope they serve you well in the future.