There’s a stereotype of millennials living with their parents and never moving out. Those of us in this generation know that the stereotype might be something some of us fall into, but not because we’re lazy, entitled, and unwilling to leave our comfort zone as the stereotype implies. It’s for a million reasons—trying to gain stability after college, job loss, saving, post-international-travel-positions, literally hundreds of reasons.
But, people don’t talk about what it’s like. It’s a topic that seems to be treated like a stain on the generation—even writing this, I feel the tinge of shame from the stain. We acknowledge it as true, we tell other generations that it’s for valid reasons, but we don’t offer each other support. It’s difficult and messy and takes a decent amount of adjustment, particularly for college grads. Sometimes the boundaries are not the same as living with a roommate or significant other, especially right after college. So, while this may not apply to everyone, here are some things I wish I had known before moving back.
1. You’re not the same person you were at 18.
This one is a big adjustment. It’s hard to take a step back. Yes, you’ve grown as a person, and you know that person. You’ve adjusted—the person you are now with all your different ideas and new life experiences isn’t new to you. But, it’s new to your parents. Keep that in mind when they argue about small things. Maybe they’re used to you not pushing back on their ideas and now you do. Or maybe they’re used to you pushing back and now you’re not.
2. Communication is key (to any relationship).
You’ve learned new things about yourself. It’s possible lots of people don’t know these things. You have to clue your parents in. What do you know about yourself now that you didn't then? What would you share with a roommate? Set boundaries and be clear from the beginning. Is it going to be a problem that they keep coming in without knocking? Are you most comfortable doing dishes and cleaning the floors? Will you be out late sometimes and need them to be okay with that? Those are probably things you should talk about.
3. Figure out what you need to make the space work for you.
This one is mainly about working necessities and a fresh space. If you work at home (whether you check emails at home for an hour or fully work from home or are applying for a million jobs), keep in mind what you need to make the space work for you. I was fortunate enough that my parents wanted to switch out the old furniture anyways, but if you don't get that completely fresh palette, choose one thing. What's most important for you to work effectively? Do you need a good functional desk? A bright desk lamp? Get one on the cheap from Walmart or a church donation store. You need to work effectively and efficiently.
4. Be careful of old habits.
It's easy to be in a space that used to be yours and slip into old habits, old thought processes. Don't let it happen. Make new habits. If you're a morning person (and don't have to rush to work in the morning), then get up and do something that's going to make you feel motivated. That's the key - motivation. Moving back home has taught me a lot about how I work. I've been able to acknowledge that the old habits I used to have in this space no longer work for me. I've also communicated these new habits (like my tendency to get work done solely in the evening and at night) with my parents so that they're aware of the new habits I have.
5. If you feel stuck, make sure to keep going.
Sometimes being back at your parent's house can make you feel like you took a step backwards. You didn't. You're doing what you need to do and you need to keep going. After you figure out how to make it all work and you get settled, be sure to hit the ground running. Create new routines that fit in your parent's needs as well. Make sure to come out and socialize with them. After all, who knows the next time you'll have this much time with them once you move back out?
Moving back in with your parents can be a transition. And it's something people don't talk about a lot, but a lot of people deal with. Reach out to old friends, seek community, don't let yourself think negative thoughts and you'll be okay. You're not going backwards. Instead realize that you're moving forward and adding family time to the mix. Be grateful and not guilty if they're letting you stay. Make the best out of all of it because you're doing great.
