I’ve never been one to actually put myself out there when it came to the dating game. I recently became comfortable with myself in my own skin about a year ago when I decided to come out as gay to my very close friends and just about anybody else who wasn’t my family (but that recently just changed as I am now out to my family). I wouldn’t say I’m totally comfortable with myself because let’s be honest — who really is? But I thought I would be optimistic in this day and age and jump on the tinder bandwagon. So I did what any normal Tinder user does: create a witty and hopefully captivating bio and pray that my future husband was somewhere out there swiping right on my profile.

It was all fun and games and I hadn’t gone on any dates or anything, but I’ve chatted with a few very nice guys and it seemed easy to talk to them over Tinder. No face-to-face contact meant I could do it in the sanctuary of my own house nestled under five blankets lying in my bed. However, there were a few misconceptions of mine that unfortunately started to become true about this “dating” app. The first is that I found myself swiping right on a lot more people than I had assumed I would, and in turn, didn’t get that many responses (OK, breathe I’ll be fine). The next is that I found myself swiping left a lot more than I anticipated. It sort of made me disgusted with myself and the fact that the best judgement I had about everyone I swiped left on was the fact that I didn’t like their pictures. It was turning me into a person who looked for a relationship based on the most shallow sense of a person… their appearance.

While the above reasons were valid and the backbone behind my deleting of the app, this last one sealed the deal on it. It was a late Wednesday night and the premiere of "Mob Wives" was on. When my best friend called to get food at one of our favorite places, I immediately stopped what I was doing, and anxiously awaited the “Here” text. As we indulged in a shared plate of chicken fingers and fries, his phone rang. “Oh looks like I have another super like.” I brushed this off but the more that comment sat with me the more I realized that I’ve had a tTnder for about two weeks and have a total of maybe seven matches and he’s had one for a few hours and has several super likes (I know it’s several because he said it at least twice during our dinner). Don't get me wrong, my best friend is absolute fire; like on a scale of one to ten, he’s a straight up twenty. I assumed he’d get more attention than I did and ordinarily things like this don’t bother me, but for some odd reason, this just stuck with me. I’m not complaining that I’m ugly or will be forever alone or something like that, but it did bring to light the fact that I need to get over my insecurities and do what I’ve wanted to do for a really long time. Get healthy.

It’s a new year and I’m not going to be cliche and say it’s a new me but what I will say is that my best friend taught me something no one else could. It doesn’t matter what you look like or how many matches you have on Tinder, what matters is that you feel comfortable with you are. So yes, my Tinder account is no longer a thing, and yes, I am self conscious and aware of my insecurities (like my weight) but I also know that this year, 2016, is the year I change things. It’s going to be the year I become a healthier, happier and all around better version of the person who is writing this article.