I love rom-coms. The idea that your soulmate is somewhere out there waiting for you gives me hope that I won't always be alone. Lately, it seems like everyone around me is getting into relationships. I'd become the third wheel, awkwardly there but not really welcome.
It was as though there was a box you had to check. Get a significant other. Check. Have sex for the first time. Check. Throw a graduation party and go upstairs into one of the bedrooms with your boyfriend, best friend, and her boyfriend. Check.
It was slightly ironic in that I was the one my friends came to for relationship advice. Like I was good at predicting, but I had parents in a dysfunctional marriage growing up. I didn't know what a healthy relationship looked like.
My work wife was being followed around by our boss's younger brother. He was the cutest puppy I'd ever seen.
"He's got a girlfriend!" She argued when I told her he had a crush on her.
He broke up with his girlfriend a month later. They've been dating for almost two years now.
I watched one of my best friends at the time leave me for multiple boys. I didn't understand how she could only think about that and jump from one to the other so quickly.
College is the time for that no strings attached experimentation. If I had an ounce of courage, maybe I would too. But I know I'm supposed to focus on my grades and all that usual nonsense.
In other words, I'm waiting for that first person to walk into my life. Being a sophomore in college means that all my friends are getting boyfriends out of the woodwork. This is the sole reason I have been feeling pressured into finding a boy. And yes, I know how bad that sounds.
For my whole life, I've had little interest in finding a boyfriend. I always knew I wanted to get good grades and get a good job, and a boyfriend was a distraction. That's the excuse, anyway. It probably has something to do with growing up as a part of failing and bloody marriage. I realized I had no interest in something that was going to cause more trouble than it was worth. But I digress, I'm still a hopeless romantic waiting for romantic gestures.
Over Winter Break, I went to a small friend gathering and realized that I was the only one who was still a virgin apart from one sole high school senior. They were all out having hookups with random guys, and one was still in a relationship. It always ends with them turning to me and asking if I have someone special in my life. And no matter how many times they ask, the answer will always stay no.
And they pressured me to make a Tinder and a Bumble.
Two months later, I'm still single. But hey, swiping out of boredom is fun. As a not pretty not skinny girl, the chances of getting matches and messages is slim.
The greatest thing I can say about this app that random boys have been texted me to hookup. They don't even care if I'm a psycho or not. They just wanna 'hang out', and as a virgin who would like the first to be real, it's a no go. But thanks for the offer, good to know I'm not that appalling.
To me, the idea of meeting up with one of these guys is terrifying. They could be a serial killer or a rapist. I've had friends meet up in cars in parking lots or in these guys' apartments. Am I old style, or is that still creepy?
There was one boy that almost seemed like it could have been something more, but alas, the ability to ghost people is very powerful on dating apps. You can talk for days and have worlds in common, but alas, people can still just stop responding like you're nothing. In the grand scheme, you're just one conversation out of all the matches. You're not special.
In conclusion: Tinder is for sexcapades.
The one thing I've learned from this experience is that it is okay to wait. It's okay to wait for someone to walk into your life without the presence of a smartphone app, and for them to try something out. It's okay to wait for something to happen. Everything happens at a certain point for a reason.
My sister said it took 34 years to find her soulmate. That means I'm 55 percent of the way there.