Somehow I thought after high school, my senior pictures, and taking my school ID photo, I would be free in college of having some kind of picture day to endure. No one would have some kind of lasting memory about my weird picture face, unless I decided to put that on Facebook (never!). Instead, I have a picture day much worse than any I endured through middle school, amped up on hair spray and makeup. Yes, I'm talking about composite photos.
I've only taken two composite photos, but combined with the years of anxiety experience of sitting for school photos, I think I am pretty well versed in the art of generic photo taking. Or at least that's what I tell myself before I sit down with the photographer in front of the "natural" light setting.
Several days before, you'll get the email that says what day the photographer will be at the house and the available timeslots. It will never be a day that works for you. You will have wall to wall classes. If you schedule is pretty free, it will rain, or you'll forget about your club meeting that meets exactly when you were going to have your picture taken.
On the day of, there will be a ton of sisters come out of the woodwork with perfect hair and makeup. Yeah, you were used to seeing Sally rock the natural makeup free look? Too bad, because she does Old Hollywood glam better than you. One of the things I love about my chapter in particular is how comfortable I can feel without makeup on. I like that some of my sisters don't feel like they have to wear makeup all the time, and it makes me more confident when I see them feelin' good about themselves. Composite day is a different story though. There are still people who take their picture naturally and look really nice, but it ain't me.
About an hour before, maybe half an hour if you have class, or maybe 10 minutes, you'll sit down to try to do your makeup. You should definitely listen to Beyonce while doing this. I prefer Partition and Flawless, but really any kind of pump up music is good. If you're really feeling nervous, listen to Nicki Minaj.
After your makeup is done, you definitely practice smiling in the mirror. A teacher once told me that the most natural way to look good smiling in a picture is to tip your head down and then look up and say "Yes?" and smile like someone just called your name. It'll look sweet and natural. Practice this like 10 times, and make sure to check for lipstick on your teeth. Finally go down to the place where the photographer is set up and attempt to gracefully put on the velvet curtain thing they have you wear to make it look like you're all dressed in the same black dress. (As a plus size woman, I was so nervous when I saw composite pictures; I did not think there was any way in hell I would fit into a dress everyone else had to wear. But it's not a dress. It's a fake.)
When you're sitting there taking the photo, it's easy to think that it's going really well. Yeah your back hurts from straightening it and your head is tilted really weirdly, but who cares when you can show your grandkids how perfectly coiffed and srat you were? You definitely have it down this year. And then you see the photos the photographer took. You either look like a grandmother with realllyyy squinty eyes or you look like you're in actual pain (which you might be). At this point, it doesn't matter which one you pick. They're all weird looking. #TSM right?
There's always next year!
